First Sunday of August

Sometimes they say that people around you know about certain things more than you do because they have been doing the observation so they will judge better since they are not clouded by any emotion or bias perception about the matter.

And once it happen, you will say things like 'If they only knew!' - well, they don't. Because they're not you. Let me put it this way. Someone can care for you and still not understand your every motive, emotion, need, and desire.

Life have been confusing and hard these days but somehow, out of nowhere there's this feeling bursting out from deep within telling me that it is all under my own control and decision. People can say and tell you about many things - of what to do and what is right but at the end of the day you will be alone again and it is actually depend on how do you want to live your life and no one else can live it for you. Put aside whatever people say about things and just do what you feel right.

This time around, I am going to do whatever I want to and start all over again. Doing the best I can for my own life. Along the way, people will drop by and leave their markings on the door and soon they will be gone and that is meant to be. Their turn have come to put a color to your sketch of life. And when they are done, go on and do the same.

Just be grateful of it and be happy.

How To Deal With Negative, Difficult Person.

" I think the scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor. So that's a test. If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. if he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time."

- Michael J.Fox.

Untitled.

I don't really feel so good today.

The day started quite okay but somehow it changed and now I just feel...low.

I'm quite a sport about many things and rarely ever want to lose my head over something. If I can just rationalize things a little patiently, I'll be as happy as a clam in no time. Even though one of my close friends once said that I am probably the most sensitive girl in the world, no one actually really saw it through me because I don't often get worked up over something that did not matter much to me. Most of the time, I am just a happy mind-my-own-business type of person.

But then, everyone have their own moody time. Even me. Especially me. I just know how to hide the emotion better than most people.

With things going on in my mind, suddenly I feel small and stupid. About actions that I have made previously. The way I thought so much about petty things and so on. Plus, there's a major self esteem issues going on with me at this very moment. I don't really feel pretty. And for the first time, there's a few things that I started to hate about myself.

Every once in a while, people would tell me that I'm starting to look fat or that my ass is a bit small or they think there's something wrong with the way I walk, but I never actually really care much about other people's opinion when it comes to looks and physical attributes. So it's all fine. But not today. Right now, if someone says that they think I look tired today, I'll take it that they mean I look like an ugly ghost and that I should have think twice before deciding to open the door and go to work this morning to save everyone from having to torture their eyes with the very sight of me. That thought alone actually pisses me off right now. Shit.
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Sigh.

I know perfectly well that no matter what I do, how I dress, how I act, what I say, or what my opinions are, people would only choose to think what suited them the most. Some guys, for example, will look at me and wonder why their friends think that I'm attractive. Others will think I look more like an alien from another planet than as an actual human being. So I might as well just be myself, and gravitate towards those who really accept me just the way I am. You'll be surprise how judgmental anyone can be these days. Even families or close friends.

It's kind of embarrassing to feel this way. I always thought that no one will ever get under my skin with matters as trivial as this. Sigh. I guess today is the day that it happen.

Watch out!

For a moment there I thought I was getting quite enough of chick-flick and love story and ready to push the stop button. Somewhere along Leap Year, I was thinking 'cheesy', 'duh.so predictable' and stuff like that while rolling my eyes at the same time. I was like 'can you believe that?can you seriously gonna buy that?'.

Anyway, luckily I still have the 'aww' moment at the happy-ending final scene amidst the unbelievable cliches going around. And at least it's confirm now that my next destination to travel is Ireland. I almost forgot how beautiful that country is since the last time I watched P.S I Love You not so long ago.

What I've been feeling lately is that, these stories are getting typical and awfully predictable day by day. And as much as I love Gerard Butler, I didn't even pick Bounty Hunter among Shrek and Robin Hood when my friend ask me to toss between these three now showing movie to watch tonight. Well, to be fair at least maybe because I've seen Robin Hood last week and no one would agree to not want to watch Donkey and Puss, hence the rejection...no? Or maybe it's because I'm not a fan of Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. Part of the reason.

Ok la. Pigi la bah tingu kalau kamurang mau. I am just venting out. I'm not even sure why I feel like this now. I've always love these kind of stories. Wouldn't miss it for the world. But I guess, too much of something is never good right?

Happy weekend people. As for me, going to watch Antonio's fat ass tonight. :-D

Leap Year

Kind of

The world is bad enough without people trying to make someone elses life a living hell. Just be nice people. No matter what you said to justify your reason behind being what you call tough or straight forward, I am never going to buy it. So stop trying to convince me.

Next time, think before you say something so it won't come out wrong. For just one time, try hard to be nice. Leave every person you meet better than you found them. You have no idea what they may have gone through.

How Much Does Your Life Weigh?

I watched this movie ' Up In The Air' starring George Clooney while I was having dinner.

I am not really good at movie review or any kind of review for that matter and I don't remember either when was the last time I had my descriptive and summary writing. I believe it was around 90s. Yeah. That long.

But I'll try my best this time. Firstly of course I really think it's a good movie and there's a lot you get from it. Things that makes you think and ponder about. Especially when it hits home. Just made me remember how last year has been a real sucker to me and I believe it's the same with everyone. The down sizing, the pay cut and all those shit.

Apart from that, there's also the bit about the 'empty back pack' thing. Love the idea and philosophy behind it. Makes me want to think of my own back pack and how much it weigh and if it has slowed me down or stopped me from moving. Motivational thing usually work best to me on moving visual rather than words on papers. I am what you call the visual combined with auditory types of person.

I know so far that this has not been a very good review but more like a personal reflection. I guess you just have to watch it yourself and then you can tell me what do you think about it and instead of a single review we can do something like a short stories and do forum based on what we think. Or maybe not.

So let me ask you this.

What's in your back pack?

Logic

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. It would only make you more confuse & lost.

A lot of people ask me about my decision on being single all this while. Even my boss at work asked me about it. He could not comprehend the idea of someone as gorgeous & attractive [overkill. i know.] like me do not have someone special for quite a long time. Well, not really that long actually.

I'm sure many people will agree with me that after so many failed attempt at creating a happily-ever-after relationship, the feelings about the whole thing would eventually become stagnant in a sense of giving it the lowest priority in life. Most of the time, life is not just about being in love with someone [except your family]. And it's not just because of a bad past relationship either. Something that did not work out like how you want it should not necessarily viewed as a mistake or a bad thing. Things just happen sometimes. Either people simply have a change of heart or it's time for the other person to take on a new chapter in his/her life.

At one point, accumulate mix-feelings & the experience one had over the whole love-crush-heart break-infatuation-lust-vulnerable-stupidity thing will somehow make the person so over it that all he/she want to do is sit back & let life & time take over & decide everything. When you are ready, then you will. There's no need to push it or go looking for the 'thing' like some treasure hunt you used to participate in school & ended up settling for second best. To make do with what you have. Something you think you want but does not really sure if it's something mutual.

That is why i look at every encounter & moments with someone as a gift & my turn of sharing. Whether you realize it or not, each and every people that we get to meet help shape our mind, heart & life no matter how short the shared time is.

So, try never to look at people around you with just tiny regards but rather as an individual that contribute to your chain of energy, existence & happiness, which most of the time we never realize first hand but true anyway.

When All Is Said & Done

Here's to us, one more toast and then we'll pay the bill,
Deep inside, both of us can feel the autumn chill,
Birds of passage, you and me, we fly instinctively,
When the summer's over and the dark clouds hide the sun,
Neither you nor I'm to blame when all is said and done.

It's been there in my dreams, this scene I see unfold,
True at last, flesh and blood, to cherish and to hold,
Careless fools will suffer, yes, I know and I confess,
Once I lost my way when something good had just begun,
Lesson learned, it's history when all is said and done.

In our lives we have walked some strange and lonely treks,
Slightly worn but dignified and not too old for sex,
Clear-headed and open-eyed with nothing left untried,
Standing calmly at the crossroads, no desire to run,
There's no hurry any more when all is said and done.

Standing calmly at the crossroads, no desire to run,
There's no hurry any more when all is said and done.

http://www.downloads.nl/results/mp3/1/When+All+Is+Said+And+Done+-+Pierce+Brosnan+Meryl+Streep



When All Is Said & Done originally by ABBA covered by Pierce Brosnan & Meryl Streep in the MAMMA MIA musical play - one of my fav movie of all time. :)

The arrangement done for this song in the movie is really beautiful & the lyric is just meaningfully great. It would be wonderful to have reach this stage of life - there's no hurry anymore when all is said & done. :)

But i'm still young & i'll make sure to enjoy every minute of everyday that i have so that i can someday look at the path i've taken & indulge in the satisfaction of living a full life. We all have to remember that we're not 19, 25 or 40 forever. When you are 10 years old, do what 10 years old suppose to be doing. Run loose & don't be all grown up yet. The same when you're in the twenties [especially if you're still single..wink2] - use that hard earned money of yours & go sky diving. At least your body can still handle it & recover quickly than a 30 year old.

In a relationship, never be afraid of being vulnerable because if you're building walls around you to not getting hurt, you're also shielding yourself from being happy. Be in a state where you feel like there's nothing in life that you can't face anymore. And to do that is to open yourself to possibilities, risk & the unknown (i'm not a professional motivational speaker). ;)

As the famous quote says, "Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance."


God, if I can't have what I want, let me want what I have. Amen.

Life

"Life should not be govern by religion but rather, by conscience." - Anonymous

Cruelty

It often baffle me on how some people can actually be animal cruel to each other..even animal at times shows more kindness than we human did.. Cruelty in such a way that they closed their eyes & ears to those seeking for their help & assistance. When someone is dying, how can you possibly feel nothing towards the person & the people who love him/her? How can you merely watch with disinterest or let ignorance wins over the responsibility as a fellow human being?

I have just read thoroughly the news over the tragedy of the landslide in Bukit Antarabangsa & i'm really saddened by this article below.

http://mt.m2day.org/2008/content/view/15867/84/

I can just imagine how wretched the husband of Eng Yee Peng must have felt over the whole incident especially when those bastard rescuers whom he asked for help just simply threw him a spade & ask him to dig amidst the ruins himself to save his wife.

God bless each & everyone of those who have been affected by the tragedy & i really hope justice would prevail in the end.

A date

"God created dating so that a woman could discover the bad news about a man before she gets involved with him, not after. It is something you do to find out whether or not you want to be with the man...so take your time."

The People Declaration

...extracted from the declaration, here are bits of the points that caught my attention & interest;

In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
We, Malaysians of all races and of various faiths, pledge to uphold at all times the foundational principles of the Malaysian Constitution, namely... A federal administrative system that fulfills its responsibilities, and protection and respect for the special position of Sabah and Sarawak

We will initiate measures to build and foster unity among the various ethnic and religious groups, having as our aim the evolution of a people with the common aspiration of justice and equality for all. To that end, we will... pay special attention to the Orang Asli in the Peninsula and all the indigenous groups in Sabah and Sarawak, and amend various laws and regulations pertaining to them so that justice is served, including establishing a Commission to protect Native Customary Rights (NCR) land and to resolve disputes relating to such lands while respecting their traditions and customs;

... strengthen national integration by restoring the rights and privileges that were promised to the people of Sabah and Sarawak Genuine democracy must provide meaningful space for the people to express their views and to participate in various processes of daily administration and not merely to voting once in five years. All interest groups must be allowed to present and debate their views. Information will be free available subject to strictly defined restrictions. To that end, we will

... repeal the Internal Security Act and and all laws that presently permit detention without trial. Reducing the people's burden:

... Reduce the fares of domestic flights between Peninsular Malaysia and Sabah and Sarawak to promote national unity and domestic tourism

... Develop the road system in Sabah and Sarawak... Give priority to projects which generate the greatest benefit to the people, projects such as medium and low-cost housing, modernization of the railway system, road projects in Sabah and Sarawak, and others

Education:... Improve standards and facilities for schools in the interior, especially in Sabah and Sarawak... Recognise the right to study the mother tongue like Chinese, Tamil, Iban, Kadazandusun and others in schools, and improve the implementation of policies on mother tongue education, so that it is more efficient and responsive to the demands of parents. Trained mother tongue language teachers must be supplied by government schools when at least ten students need such teachers, and the training of mother tongue teachers must be improved at teacher training colleges and public institutions of higher learning

Women:... Protect the rights and welfare of women who have been abandoned by their husbands without any reasonable support... Enforce strictly laws regarding the rights, interests and dignity of women and abolish laws and regulations that discriminate against women

and so forth....many other things covered but in my journey of supporting the rights of my beloved people in Sabah, listed above are my priorities to fight for..who else are going to care & worry about us other that we ourselves?

Check & Balance

I personally like this particular article very much.

http://mt.m2day.org/2008/content/view/15277/84/

If there's a crisis we are facing, the easiest & smartest way to solve it is to list down all the problems in priority order & u can actually look at it much more clearly & then you will know what to do so that you can at least tackle half of it.

Why do i seems to have so much passion for politic & rights when most of us must be thinking that it actually has nothing to do with them?

Simple explanation.
I can't sit & do nothing and I can't also pretend i don't care when i know something can actually be put straight.

And it also not entirely politic that make me keep on track. Politic only brings frustration & unneeded bewilderment. But the fact that it also brings out many great men/women & not to mention informative articles & mind blowing opinions, makes politic worth peeking on.

The only problem is that sometimes it's feels like it's beyond our control so that's why i think most people just don't want to bother about it.

I'm not exactly going to talk about politic in this entry. What i really want to stress on is that it just cross my mind a second after reading the above article (refer to link), that somehow all the things that i have been worrying can actually be solve if the most important issues & problem back in my homeland can be prioritize in a correct order & also if there is someone who actually can & want (not to mention capable) to do something about it.

Let me try to list out all the main problems we Sabahan face in our land.

1. Violation of the 20 Point Agreement
2. Lack of Competent Leaders
3. Corruption
4. Terrible rate of poverty
5. Poor education system
6. Attitude

I know there are more but then let me only take these 6 points here.
If we follow like how on the article did, solving item 1 can ensure our rights on control over our own land by our own people.

The rights to control over;-
1. Immigration - so the issue of the overly populated illegal immigrants will not be as bad as now because then the federal government should not be able to veto the entry of persons into Sabah and manipulated its purpose solely for political interest.

2. Tariffs and finance - so that our money from our rich reserves can be used back for our own development. We are to share so unfairly among the other state & left us with not even a handful of grasp.

3. Education - so that the budget for education is not controlled by the federal government.

4. Representation in Parliament - so that our voice & woes can actually be heard & that Malaysia can start to think equally of us as a fellow Malaysian & not just some forgotten-not-important part of the country.

5. Land, forests, local government, etc;- so that the federal can not nationalize our oil and gas resources. Why choose to give the state only a 5 percent royalty? Several requests for an increase in royalty to 20 percent were unheeded.

There are 15 other point left to be discuss but just these 5 points are enough to see just how vital the 20 points agreement is. There are many who will challenge this especially those from west M'sia who find that taking out their passport to the officer at the KK airport is irritating & seems unfair as we from Borneo can just go in and out to their side of land with no such hustle...but see how this violation makes us sabahan? Tun Abdul Rahman the 1st prime minister promise to take care of us Sabah & Sarawak so that we can move foward and be developed equally as in Peninsular. Does the promises fullfilled? We don't ask that long of the agreement to take place...just enough till all is taken care of. After that, it can be revise which suited best interest. But now...we are still the poorest state despite our abundance natural resources & there are still no mutual sense of belonging to the country regardless of the fact that Malaysia is formed in 16 September 1963 & not 31 August 1957 & just see how blatantly those people opposed an appreciation for the day which means public holiday for all.

Can't you see how items 4, 5 & 6 can take care of themselves if we solve item 1 first. And if item 2 can be look into, that should tackle item 3 effectively.

I do not want to start on us Sabahan to start producing intelligent minds & capable youth as i'm neither one nor the other.

The concern here to me is...if all above can actually be done...then i can stop worrying so much of the state of my family well-being especially in case of money where it matter most in this recent economic slowdown. And also it can help to create awareness among my cousins & relatives that education is important so that even if it makes individual difficult to drive, it makes them easy to lead & govern - put fresh idea in their mind, and at least it will be impossible for them to be enslave - which is a good thing.

And maybe then, all good things will start to come for everyone of us in whatever that is we wish for....happiness...sense of security....acknowledgement...or maybe just satisfaction in equality.

RPK to be freed this afternoon! (Updated)

Oh my...i'm very very very happy after knowing that RPK will be freed today. It's such a great relief! ;) I wish i can be at the court & watch the scene...

i guess Obama winning must have something to do with this. Yes We Can!!!!!

http://mt.m2day.org/2008/content/view/14623/84/

Updated: He's really is a free man...yeay! i just wish the same thing would have happen to the other detainees such as Hindraf's people. Fighting for your own rights is totally not a terrorism! Stupid Albar there. Now..now i'm not going to let that stupid moron taint my jubilation...;)

http://mt.m2day.org/2008/content/view/14628/84/

p/s i'll wear the t-shirt today for a show of full support!

Barack Obama In History

source: Malaysian Insider

Barack Obama is the first black president of America.
The question now for us Malaysian is....can we move forward & take this example of democracy & equality regardless of race, skin color or religious belief to achieve Malaysia for All?

Happy

No one is born happy. But all of us are born with the ability to create happiness.

Went picnic at Batu Feringghi yesterday. It was fun & healthy until the time to go back. I had a headache again. [sigh]

Peace to the world...

The picnic went surprisingly well tho. I got just a slight brown healthy shade of tan. Lying over the mat on the sand...thinking about things...this..and that...and finally decide to let it all go at that moment...so now, i'm quite empty & clear headed. [smile]

Walking back...

I don't quit or succumb easily for any reason before. I fight for it..even if some people told me it's not worth it.

But now...where does all of that gone to?
Maybe i'm tired of trying to figure out what's there for me...or if i'm in for anything...

"Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves." - Helen Keller

p/s And to add to my blurry meaning of happiness, Chelsea lost for the first time to Liverpool last Sunday..and it's Home for goat sake!

The Girl & Mr A

I had an interesting conversation with Mr A at this time of day yesterday. Well it's more like a chatting really. ;)

"If you put a high hope on a girl then suddenly u want to stop doing that because maybe after some time, you found someone else..what do you think the girl would think of me?"

I was silent for a while.

"And i haven't said the 3 magic words. Don't worry."

Ok...again i was contemplating on how best to answer his questions.

"Instead of answering you, may i ask why do you need to stop? Which one do you actually like more?" I asked him.

"Well...honestly, i don't know." He typed after a few seconds.
"I like this one girl...and in terms of beauty...she really got it all..but this other one, i've been dying to tell her since decades ago of how much i like her but i never got the courage to do so..and now that i may have the chance to tell her, i have to decide between her & this girl i told you earlier."

I could not think of a suitable reply at first.

"Well...if you really think of what you want and about how you feel...i think you will know what to do..i mean which one to choose."

That was the answer i gave him. I knew it's not much of an answer but choosing was never easy so i didn't want to help him making the wrong one.

"The thing now is i'm a bit concerned of what the girls may think of me.....i just don't want to be labeled a player because i do have quite a bit of collection but i never actually declare anything to anyone..I was just taking time to understand each of the girls so that i know who is the right one." He typed with a smiley following closed after.

"Don't bother on what people may say about you. Or in this case..the other not chosen girls. Because at the end of the day, you are the one who want to be happy & necessary reject is required." I told him with a wink.

And we chat about it for quite some time................................................................................................ (i'll spare you the details you may not want to know...hehe)

Then we come to another interesting point of our conversation. Mr A was telling me that the real problem was that he's very choosy. And below is the criteria he would like on a girl. I was quite excited to wait till he gave all the details...(we girls do like to know what type of person a guy would generally interested to kan..hehe)

So i copy here the requirement for a girl for Mr A;-
1. Beautiful
2. Able to cook
3. Able to converse in mother tongue language
4. Loves children
5. Can make it feel so nervous saying the words (i was smiling on this part..hehe)
6. got magnetic impulse
7. (secret) haha...

And we talk about it which i also don't want to put into details here..;)....bla bla bla

Then he asked again what do i think of a 'collector guy'.
And i said, "If i know that the guy is still looking for the right one for him..then i guess it's just okay..i would not hold any grudges against him. It's his right to do even if he may hurt my feelings along the way because i've seen it coming. So whatever anyone decide, i won't blame or think bad of them. There's always reason you know. Be it bad or good."

"And what i may feel in between the relationship? Or maybe here it's what the other girls of yours may feel? I think they may feel insecure knowing that you have a lot of choices to consider. Not to mention if you are not really into them and they knew it...it will hurt actually."

I continue my preaching. [haha]

"Then they may feel angry with me for giving them false hope." Typed Mr A.

"Depends, but most probably they will think and feel that way. But if it's me...i don't think i will..i'll try to think of being in your shoes & i may even do the same thing...bukan lelaki sja ba yg mo pilih-memilih ni. But i give up quite fast lah..tu sja keburukan dia.."

"So..how if i keep things as it is for the time being? I mean untill someone give up..then i don't really have to choose?" Mr A typed in quickly.

"Then there's a tendency you'll lose someone good." Was my only reply.

"Yeah..that's right." Mr A answered me.


p/s cerita dia atas ada diubah sedikit kandungan nya utk melindungi tuan punya cerita..haha okay pkul 6.06 sda..buli balik rumah..hahaha oh ya..and to Mr A if you are reading this..i hope you'll not get angry with me for sharing this very interesting topic of yours k...hehe

Kiss me a.r.s.e....in english!

That title got nothing to do with the topic discussed below.

So...i've been distancing myself from any political issue lately as the peak of everything that have been happening in the country starting to feel too much & also because it’s just helplessly frustrating [as it always does].

So I need a break. Every now & then I’ll go back & read a bit from the sites but only just.

I choose to be back again a few minutes back, & boy…as much as I want to take it lightly or maybe sometimes choose to be ignorant on certain facts…I can’t. I’m just overly concerned i may say on stuff that includes injustice & display of unethical moves or simply on the rubbish-garbage remarks.

Maybe I’m being biased on certain thing that goes against my personal views…or on things that I believe in, but it doesn’t seem to be much of an excuse for giving in to those people who are racist & simple-narrow-minded type of thinking.

At times, I do not agree with bits & pieces from our great Tun M, because I rather find him sometimes too obsessed with Pak Lah & full of hatred way beyond revamp towards DSAI…but still I read on & try not to make early judgments on what he’s trying to say..because i strongly believe everyone should have their own opinions on certain matter & should let it known for justice sake. Having said that though, still not all comments especially from the readers are edible.

I've just decided to buy the FREE RPK t-shirt & i think we all should too. I'm not going to start on the ISA issues. It pained me enough just reading it everywhere.

Till then...

Say it

"We have all met people who proudly proclaim 'I always say what i mean' or 'I always tell the truth'. Such utterances are warning signals. Because anyone who chooses always to be honest is abdicating from their responsibility as a fellow human being. They make it easy for themselves, because they have fixed norm with which to arrange their lives, whilst the world around them is entirely unprotected from the truth-teller. Life is sadly not so uncomplicated that we should in all circumstances say what we think, or how things really are." - Stefan Einhorn in The Art of Being Kind -

Lets say, a little girl comes up to you, shows you a drawing and tells you proudly that it is a picture of a cat. Do you tell her that it looks more like an exploding balloon?

Life is not so easy being independent after all. Some people just gladly rejoice in your mistake & make sure you won't miss all the i-told-u-so remarks or every single inch of the the false decision pointed right up on your face.

It dawned on me today at the office...when you see how people get so enthusiastic in proving that you have made a wrong choice & yet barely lift their head if you make something good.

Every day, we make decisions that affect other people, and we never exactly find out what most of the consequences of our actions are. So, we should throw up our hands and say that it doesn't matter what we do, because the consequences are in no way imaginable...

No. I don't think so. Be kind. It won't kill you.