Monday, December 26, 2011

Under The Mistletoe

I'm here. Kiss me!

ha ha.

Merry Christmas Everyone! :-)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Up Where I Belong

I meant home.

I have been feeling like this every year. Excited for a holiday to Sabah. Sometimes it turns out great, sometimes just okay. Still, I never failed to anticipate this 'going back home' time of the year.

As usual I have a few things planned for my family and myself. To spend as much time as possible with them within two weeks of my leave.

I want everything to happen as per plan and I want everyone to be happy. That's all I ask. Not more. Not too much.

Monday, November 28, 2011

End of Nov

It's almost end of November....berhabuk suda ni blog lama sda nda kena update...tsk tsk tsk

About 3 more weeks and I'll be going back to Sabah...yay!

Company dinner is done..all the singing is done....

Penang Bridge Marathon is also done...proud of myself! finisher medal!


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Veil of Happiness

The secret to happiness
Sights & Sounds
Xandria Ooi

It cannot be derived from pleasures alone.

MY brother-in-law, Yu Jin, once remarked to me: “Your face changes when you eat ice-cream. It literally lights up.” One of my favourite things in the world is ice-cream, and I’ve always said that ice-cream makes me extremely happy. Yet, when I think about it, I wonder if consuming ice-cream makes me happy, or if it simply gives me pleasure. There is an important distinction between the two, however similar they may be.

Experiencing pleasure is one of the most exhilarating feelings in the world. Our hearts may beat a little faster; our energy levels surge and we may even smile or laugh a little more than usual. The problem with feelings of pleasure is that it is so closely linked to our emotions that it cannot possibly last. Phrases like “moments of pleasure” or “a rush of pleasure” are often used for a reason — pleasure graces us with its presence but it also leaves without saying goodbye.

The question to ask is, when the euphoria is gone, do you feel happy, or empty? I now acknowledge that having ice-cream does not give me happiness, it simply gives me pleasure. Simply as it may seem, that is an important realisation. I would feel very good as I consume a pint of ice-cream, but after the pint is gone, I would feel guilty. What’s worse, I would feel fat. Is that happiness? Of course not. This does not mean that I would write-off eating ice-cream. Nothing is wrong with experiencing pleasure, but indulging too much would mean that the moment’s pleasure could turn into long-term unhappiness.

This applies across the board to so many things in our lives. If we are always dependent on external factors to give us joy, it only makes sense that we would be unhappy, sad or depress if we are without them. Sometimes, the pleasure we experience brings no regret or sadness, but it does create a void that needs to be constantly filled.

For example, when we purchase an expensive or coveted item, we would feel on top of the world as we leave the store and take it home. After a few weeks, this highly-prized item would no longer be perceived as special. If it was a vase, you would have gotten used to seeing it sitting in your dining room. If it was a car, you’d have gotten used to driving it. One of my friends has a beautiful black Hermès Birkin bag, and she said something that made me think. After I buy something, it’d just become one of my many things. I’d leave my bag on the floor, or chuck it somewhere in the house. It’s expensive, but it becomes normal after I’ve had it for a while.”

That applies to people as well. If you’re marrying someone just because they’re physically beautiful, you’ll soon fail to see the beauty that had once captivated you so. Attaining material things or having sex with different people give us great pleasure, but it leads us down a path of always seeking the next rush of pleasure. Feeling desirable leads to a false sense of self-worth, which is why it convinces those with insecurities that flattery, praises and sexual conquests can compensate for feelings of inadequacy.

The problem is that pleasure is so temporary that the feeling of increased self-worth fades as quickly as it began, after which we are back at square one. We don’t often stop and think about what our ultimate goal in life is — we think long and hard about our dreams and ambitions, or where we’d like to travel to, what we’d like to eat and how much money we’d like to make; but what does having all that lead us? We hope that it will lead us to happiness. Let’s think about this for a moment. Sometimes, in the pursuit of happiness, we get derailed and forget that we are pursuing happiness, and not simply pleasure. When we confirm a holiday, we are happy. When we at the airport, we are very happy. When we find out that the flight has been delayed, we are extremely unhappy. When we arrive in Paris, we are happy. When our hotel room has no towels, we are unhappy. Did our holiday make us happy, or unhappy?

What I find most difficult in life is to be constantly happy. Happiness is a state of mind that is at peace and free from anger or desires; yet as human beings, we are so reliant on situations, circumstances and people to be happy. In his book, Message from the Masters, Brian Weiss M.D. said, “Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone else.”

So much of our worry, stress, fear and heartaches are because we allow people to affect how we feel. If you have a boss and he was nasty to you, you’d feel anger and depressed. If you have a boyfriend who broke up with you, you’d feel worthless and dispensable. Ending a relationship with someone because they “don’t make us happy” sounds absurd when you think about it. We are not responsible for the happiness of another, and even if we were, we do not have the power to ensure another human being’s happiness. What we able to do in a relationship is to fully utilise the tools that lead to happiness – pleasure, appreciation, understanding and love. In doing that, a couple is able to find happiness together. Pleasure is only one of the many subsets of happiness, and happiness cannot be derived from pleasures alone.

Happiness is within our own control, and we can determine whether to allow the simple pleasures in life to lead us to happiness. Think about it. If we are always dependent upon the big pleasures in life to make us happy — when we are given a pay rise or promotion, when we are given a big diamond ring or when we strike the lottery – then we can only ever be happy a few times in our lives. Simple pleasures are usually just the sun, a roof over our head, a friendly smile or a loving family, but it is hard for us to appreciate the value of simple pleasures until we lose them all; such is human nature. Yet, not all of us are of this mindset. There are people who have found the secret to their own happiness. How else can someone who is ill, be happy? How can someone who is handicapped and can’t move at all, be happy? How can someone who seems to have very little be happy, yet someone who has it all – health, family, love and support – be unhappy? What I do know is that our toolbox of happiness consists of kindness, compassion, appreciation and love, and these are tools that are free and available to anyone who wants them. 

Ego, pride and selfishness simply do not exist in the toolbox of happiness. Such a shame if we would think otherwise.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Veni Vidi Vici

Steve Jobs died a few days ago and he's famous for living a life in the moment. I love this one story where he went on a first date with his wife.

For all of his single-minded dedication to the company he built from the ground up, Jobs actually skipped a meeting to take Laurene on their first date: "I was in the parking lot with the key in the car, and I thought to myself, 'If this is my last night on earth, would I rather spend it at a business meeting or with this woman?' I ran across the parking lot, asked her if she'd have dinner with me. She said yes, we walked into town and we've been together ever since." - Yahoo News

That to me is a perfect example of how I want to do things in life. But let's face it, we are not Steve Jobs or Bill Gates or J.K Rowling, who can wake up in the morning and decide they want to go to Honolulu just to get an inspiration. I might not be able to treat every single day like that. To think about what I would rather be doing at the very moment and just do it - to simply walk away and leave the 9 to 5 job and do all other things that I love instead but I want to try every once in a while.

For instance, let's give that idea a chance in a year. See how many times you can do things differently, to follow your heart and be spontaneous in a year. That is quite reasonable to me, yes?

I used to have 10 or 20 things for my yearly resolution back then but since about two years ago I have made a habit to only do two things every year. To go some place I have never been before and to do something I have never done before. Easy peasy. 

You are probably thinking now of places you have always wanted to visit. Now, to start small and keep the momentum going, you don't have to think of places too far away and one that can burn a hole in your pocket. Some place local will do for a start. I'm sure there are many other area in this country you have never been before.

I went to Kelantan early this year for the first time. I decided to attend my best friend's wedding and have a look at how this part of Malaysia is like. It was a pleasant trip. If I didn't personally go there, I would never have known just how unique that place is. For example, do you know that all the shops in Kelantan have a signage written in Arabic alphabet? Even the Chinese coffee shop. And the Chinese there speak fluent Kelantanese dialect. You might have heard about it but to listen to it in person is just interesting.

Now how about that doing something you have never done before. It is as fun as going to a new place for the first time. Like when I first decided to join my friends to go fishing.  And bought my first fishing rod. And catch my first fish. It was all very exciting and now I know how it is like to feel that first tug at your bait and get a first glimpse of the mysterious fish who play tug of war with you. It was not that boring as I thought it would. Sometimes the waiting part can be a bit exasperating but at the end of it all, it really feels good to count how many fish you have been able to catch. This can also be another way for you to be creative at spending your time with your friends. This is something different from what I normally do every day or every other weekend.

We have about two and a half month left before the year end.So let's make the rest of the days before that to be meaningful and something that you can think back and say 'I did it!'. Start with just two easy mission which is to go to a place you have never been before, any place at coffee shop, new hiking area...etc...and to do something you have never done before. To sign up for monthly charity donation for the Kidney Institution or to join a dancing class or vocal class..anything...

Have fun and most of all...remember that you are doing this for yourself. Veni Vidi Vici (teda kaitan juga..saja..haha)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Own Pick!

I want this! So I can punch my own guitar picks with my name on it even! ho ho ho

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

One and Only

You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows
Why it's taking me so long
To let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name,
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never tried
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts.

Adele told The Sun "That one's just about someone I've known for years who I've always loved and I think he's always loved me but we're too scared to be with each other in case that's it."

Thursday, September 15, 2011


...when I was younger, I'm such a bookworm that I even read newspapers like an old man. Mostly I'll flips through all the pages first even when I saw some articles that I find interesting because I knew that once I started to read it, it will take me ages to finish since I have the habit of really reading from start to finish never missing one word and that's not going to help me get over the next page.

It has been a few days since I have been discharge from the hospital and I have been taking all those well wishes seriously. The resting part. Like really really resting. I woke up early now though for breakfast, because I need to time the medicine-eating right. Then after that I will either be dragging my body to bed and lie down or continue sleeping until lunch or I'll do some mild surfing on the internet and sometimes watch movies - everything done from the bed.

I tried cooking for dinner yesterday and half way through eating, I feel dizzy (pening-pening lalat). I knew then that I have been resting too much and my body is weak. So today I drag myself out of the house and go for my schedule hair treatment at the shop nearby. At least it's nothing heavy, just sitting and I bring a book to read. So while in the midst of it all, I saw a newspaper and decided to look through the articles.

Interestingly, The Star newspaper is currently putting spaces here and there where it will put all those old archive news or what used to be in the newspaper all those years before. Some kind of trudging down memory lane I guess. Imagine my delight when I saw a few of my old time favorite sections being published in a newspaper again.

The section that caught my attention the most was the Pen Pal section. I remember looking through that list when I was a young teenager and skimming through all the names, ages, location and the best one is the hobbies. I would usually pick someone who's really from far away or some boys name whom I thought might be cute judging from the name. Ha ha ha

I had fun looking at it again which from the looks of it were scanned and printed to that page and I really wanted to take pictures but then the phone's camera was being difficult so I end up with no pictures. Sad. :(

Then I came across the Comics. Oh I really love them back then. I remember having a scrap book and I would cut those that I like most and paste it on the book. I think I did that back when I did not really understand English that much. But then again, most of the comics were pictures and less words so I think I was giving it my own interpretation and picked those that I thought were funny. And the pictures were cute too. I wonder where's the book now. We move houses way too much when I was a kid I think there's not much left of any old remembrance at home now.

And of course one more section which hold dear to my heart was the Crossword. If I'm not mistaken, it was the Borneo Post Crossword that have this A to Z series of crossword that you have to finish to win the money. One alphabet will have a few crosswords to it I think. Like A1, A2...up until I can't remember actually. I tried a lot of times but then imagine how hard it is to get one crossword right. This one you need to get all 10 or 20 of them correct. Thinking back, I'm actually amaze with my passion and of course patient with that contest. It was a very nice memory indeed.

Only those of you who were a kid as exciting as I was during those time can relate to this. Or not. No matter. He he he

By the way I watch the movie Once yesterday and Wel said all my movies were ganjil-ganjil. I was ha ha..kidding! I have just finish watching Jane Eyre before finishing this post and I enjoyed it very much. Honestly, that one is not weird, yes? Oh well, like I care. LOL

Good night everyone. :-)

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Oh The Pain!

I'm writing this post in a hospital bed with the hospital wristband in my left hand and the drip infusion needle at the right.

The pain is lesser now after the medication and I'm hoping to be discharge this morning. I couldn't really understand what the doctor was saying when he did the diagnosis so I looked at my medicines and google up the names. Typical me. He he he

So I figure out this much at least. According to Google, I have this Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) in which the stomach contents (food or liquid) leak backwards from the stomach into the esophagus and cause heartburn and all those pain that I have been having for the past few days.

This is my first time admitted to the hospital, infused with glucose drip and undergo the Esophagogastroduodenoscopy (why do they have to make the term so long and non-pronounceable to mere mortal like me I could never understand) which includes inserting a thin tube with a camera on the end through the mouth and the tube is then passed into the esophagus, stomach, and small intestine, snapping pictures of how my internal organs are doing in there.

While I was being pushed down the corridor to the ground floor for the scope (that's what the nurses call it), my eyes stared pass the neon lights in the ceilings and on both my sides were the staff and nurse keep telling that it was a simple procedure-that I'm not going to feel anything etc...I almost feel like I was in one of those movie...he he he.

Being sick is of course not a pleasant experience and I hope this is going to be my last visit to the hospital. The doctor and nurses are very nice people but I just can't stand the pain and the fasting and the needle and the lying around all day. Plus I don't want to make Mom and Nanak worried. Nanak called me and almost cried when I told her that I was in a hospital. Bless her for keep sending me text messages saying that she miss me. :)

Now is waiting for Wel to visit me and the doctor to say I'm free to go. Hehe

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

On Staying Hungry & Foolish

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says.
This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Of Fire & A Pot

My hand is still shaking. My heart still beating fast even after an hour. Everything is alright, I know. No real damage done but the thought of what could happen still scares me.

Now I can cross the last item on my to-do lists during holiday because this is the first time I almost burn down a house. It was my mistake. I know. Things happen right. I'm sorry. I don't know why but I just feel the need to apologize for my carelessness. Isk.

I heated up the oil in the pot and while waiting, I went over the living room and flip through a few channels. It was the pretty white gown and black dresses shown in E! that got me carried away. By the time I remember that I have put a pot full with oil on the stove and run to the kitchen, the pot was already burning up and the fire is as high as you can ever imagine. Luckily despite being scared and almost panicking not knowing what to do I didn't splash water on the burning pot over the stove or else I wouldn't have been able to handle what might happen if the whole thing catches fire and explode.

I took a cloth for the handle and bring the burning pot over to the sink and let the water put out all the fire. I'm not sure if there's other way to do it but pouring water into a burning oily pot only make the fire goes bigger. It didn't occur to me at that time. All I can think of is I don't want to burn the house down. It was really big, the fire. It almost reach the kitchen's ceiling. I can only stare at it in panic and luckily after what feels like forever, the fire died away leaving only thick black smoke behind to permanently mark the incident. It was all over the wall and the ceiling.

I called Wel and Jew after that. Crying. I don't want to but I can't help it. Jew said it's okay as long as I'm alright and to not think too much about the kitchen but I feel guilty because now the kitchen look bad and blacky.

I have clean up the mess. It took me quite some time to get started because I dreaded the look of the sink and the stove and worried if I might touch something and there will be fire again. I gave out a sigh of relief after I finish with the cleaning and saw that I was just shocked over what had happen but overall, everything was still intact. Although I can't do anything about the wall or the ceiling or at a few stuff that are now smoky in color. Or the pot. The helpless pot.

:( :( :(

Wednesday, August 24, 2011


Holiday is only two days away. The list of things that I can or might do is endless. Or is it really?

Let see.

1. Go to Borders everyday and read books.
2. Watch movies.
3. Travel somewhere unplanned and unexpected.
4. Sleep.
5. Blog.
6. Write a short story.
7. Singing practice.
8. Guitar practice.
9. Speech practice.
10. Intensive exercise.
11. Do something I have never done before.

I guess that should be enough for eight days holiday, yes? Or any of you have other brilliant idea? I'm open for suggestion. :-)

As of 3rd Sept: Strikeout items are those I have done or those that had happen.

Living With The Boys

One thing for sure, we are not biologically related. Rrrr...hahaha kidding.

I was raised by a single mother. I don't have any older or younger brothers growing up. Just me, my sister and of course my mother. Boys and men were a foreign terms to me. I think that could be the reason why I tend to gravitate more towards these particular gender rather than my own my whole life. I'm curious.

When I was a kid, my mother used to tell me that if she wanted to look for me every time after I've been gone for so long playing Police and Thieves or Hide and Seek, she would usually look at where the boys are playing and not the other way around. It has been more or less the same up until now.

I graduated in 2007 and after that all my best girlfriends have either get married or scattered around the universe working in all sort of jobs you can imagine. Then of course my line of work has not been helping at all for me to keep my feminine side intact. I work in a mechanical area where I sometimes find myself the only girl in the room during meetings or lunches or breakfast. I am not saying that I have a problem with that. I don't, really. I was a bit of a tomboy growing up anyway.

So let me tell you how it was for me for the past few years.

First and foremost, boys, they are a very straight forward creature. Sometimes I think that if they learn to lie more, this world would be a better place to live. I remember asking my friend John (not a real name) on one of the tricky question we girls have for guys. I said this,

"I think I'm gaining weight."

It was more like a statement though. Of course I knew I was gaining weight but well we girls just need some reassurance. I was complaining that I was eating more and more everyday and it worries me. His response to that was,

'Oh yeah, no wonder I've been thinking that you are getting bigger every day too. Especially at this area.'

He was pointing at my tummy at this point. See? It's very different with us girls. We'll never say that to one another. At least not directly.

Secondly, you'll get a new amusing nick names. For my own sake and of course them, I have learn not to take it seriously and I'm still trying. Remember the 'gaining weight' topic? My friends have some very funny names for me for that. It seems like for guys, they have a strange notion of showing affection. Us girls, we'll hold hands or whisper to each others ears, gossiping, helping one another plucking eyebrows and having a sleepover talking through the night. We are quite physical.

With men, they don't go around holding each others hand. They hug only when necessary. We girls do it anytime we feel like it. So I guess this is their way of showing they love you. By calling you names. Affectionate names. Like 'Perempuan Gemuk' or get the idea.

Last but not least, if you really have a close male buddies, you should know this. You'll tend to have the same hobby sooner or later. Gone were the days where I spent many times shopping and window shopping and also heart to heart sharing.

Now it's more like hiking in the jungle whenever we feel like bloated after too much eating or too much drinking. We have also make it a habit to go camping and fishing four or five times a year. If we are not doing all that, we'll be playing badminton every Saturday for two hours, jog for a few kilometers everyday or just drink and drink again. Omg.

So, here it goes. You will have to either bear with the name callings and the never-get-a-compliment-directly or keep your distance. I did warn you. Ha ha ha

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Life Over Here

I've been telling myself to try to sleep early every night as I have not been getting enough sleep for the last few days due to many things that I need to get prepared and at the same time just having trouble falling asleep.

And you know what, right here right now...I miss my girlfriends. It's very different having guys around you most of the time. At the office, the office's cafe during breakfast and lunch, at home, on the road or on social the malls..even at the parking lot...everywhere..I'm starting to see more guys than girls these days...and sometimes I think I need a break.

I miss having a good talk with a girl. Being affectionate with each other. Holding hands. Go shopping the way we girls do. Gossiping merrily...and just all those sort of things girls do.

I don't have a problem with all the guys around me now. Don't get me wrong. I love my best boyfriends here from the bottom of my heart. And I like my colleagues at work. They are okay. It just....I don't know. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I guess I just have been missing some natural part of being a girl I guess. I don't know....

p/s I drafted this post a few weeks back..the feeling have subsided a bit but seeing that I don't really have a post during August..I just decided to publish it anyway. Hehehe

Monday, August 1, 2011

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

I can speak funnily. At least I think I do. Best when I'm speaking Sabahan's dialect and not when I'm talking in Dusun or in English (Manglish maybe a bit better) but I'm struggling with it when it comes to writing funnily. Your reader can't hear the actual tone of your voice that you are using and if you are not careful with your punctuation marks, somebody is going to get pissed off.

So tell do I write humorously? I'm struggling with that.

Monday, July 18, 2011

It's Finally Over

Thank You J.K Rowling and also all those who involved in the film - actors, directors, crews..etc.. It was a great journey both in the books and also the movies. I have immensely enjoy everything and for sure going to miss it! Tsk tsk tsk

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


"Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." – J. K. Rowling, Harvard commencement address, 2008

p/s getting ready and getting excited for the final part of Harry Potter movie...

Is The Life You're Living Worth the Price you are Paying?

What toll does it take, over time, if you get too little sleep; skip breakfast or settle for something unhealthy; struggle with a relentlessly challenging commute; attend meeting after meeting with no breaks in between; pump yourself up through the day with multiple cups of coffee or sugary snacks; deal with hundreds of emails that accumulate in your inbox; remain at your desk for lunch if you eat lunch at all; push through fatigue in the afternoon; head home at night feeling exhausted, but continue to check email through the evening; work on the weekends; and limit your vacations to no more than a week or two, if you vacation at all?

Consider the story of the boiling frog. It may or may not be true, but the point it makes certainly is. Toss a frog into a pot of boiling water and it instinctively jumps out, self-protectively. Next, place the frog into a pot of cool water. Not surprisingly, it swims around, happily. Now heat the water up very gradually and what does the frog do? It acclimates to untenable circumstances — and slowly cooks. The frog doesn't notice what's happening to him, until it's too late.

We're experiencing the same phenomenon. Facing ever more demand, complexity and uncertainty, our initial response is to push ourselves harder and more relentlessly, without taking account of the costs we're incurring.
Physiologically, we move into hyperarousal — flooding our bodies with stress hormones such as adrenalin and cortisol. It's an automatic response to the experience of threat, and it provides an instant source of energy.

"Allostatic load" is a term coined by the neuroscientist Bruce McEwen that refers to the physiological consequences — most especially on the brain — of chronic exposure to relentless demand. When fight-or-flight hormones circulate in our body for too long, keeping our arousal high, they become toxic — not just physically, but also emotionally and mentally.

The most immediate problem with the fight-or-flight state is that our pre-frontal cortex begins to shut down. We become reactive rather than reflective. We lose precisely what we need most in these complex times: the capacity to think analytically and imaginatively; to embrace nuance and paradox rather than choosing up sides; and to take a long-term perspective rather than making the most expedient choice.
It's not good for us, and it's not good for companies.

The antidote, well understood by trauma researchers, is to give people practical and specific ways to lower their physiological arousal — to get out of fight or flight. If you're hyperaroused — and vast numbers of us are, much of the time — you must learn first how to regularly relax your body. Only then is it possible to calm your emotions, quiet your mind and make wiser choices.

In the trauma community, it's called self-soothing. In the workplace, it's about using simple strategies to buffer relentless demand by taking more conscious and regular care of our most basic needs.
Our most fundamental physical needs, beyond food, are to move and to rest. Sleep is the foundation of physical energy. All but a tiny percentage of us require at least 7-8 hours a night to feel fully rested and even small amounts of sleep deprivation take a significant cognitive toll.

We also operate best when we take renewal breaks at least every 90 minutes during the day. Breathing deeply for as little as a minute, for example, can completely clear the body of cortisol.
Movement is a second, more active way to change channels and to build physical capacity. The best way to move is to regularly challenge our current comfort zone — to push our heart rate into the aerobic and anaerobic zones at least four times a week, for at least 20 minutes at a time, and to train with weights at least twice a week.

Even if you don't do that, it's immensely valuable to get up and move at least several times during the day — and even better, to get outside. Above all, our goal should be to increase our oscillation over the course of the day — moving between relaxation at one end, and more active forms of energy expenditure at the other.
At the emotional level, our core need is to feel safe, secure and valued. The most reliable way to ensure that happens is to move flexibly between valuing, appreciating and taking care of others — which builds trust and appreciation — and taking care of ourselves. One without the other is insufficient. We need to regularly refuel ourselves with positive emotions just as much as we need to renew ourselves physically.

The more attentive we are to meeting these core needs, the less likely we are to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and the more sustainably high-performing we're capable of becoming.


Note:  Just something my boss gives once in a while via e-mail. Happy Reading.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


I need to start running seriously again. Happily of course. Just a bit more disciplined than I was lately. I think my weight is not getting any lesser.

Coincidentally too, I have been feeling like I need to get away for a while. I'm not sure what it is exactly that I really need to get away from but sometimes I feel suffocated by everything that is going on through my head. I even started to dream so much of things that I hate and things that I wish for. Omg. I know. Sometimes I think that there might be something wrong with me. So I think beside jogging, I also need to run away to some place where I can get a peace of mind.

Maybe I should just go for an unplanned trip once in a while. Even better, I should just pick any location now and buy me an overnight plane tickets or bus tickets or train tickets...whatever it is. The tickets sound weird to me now after repeating the sentence through my head.

I have a small world globe like this in the room. Almost the same shape and color. Bought it during that first visit to Singapore.

I just want the whole world to stop for a while. Please let me wander around as long as I want and let me be at every places I need to be.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Reasons Why


Oh baby we can fight like dogs we can fight like cats
A dirty laundry needs a laundry man
Maybe the king and the queen should lay off the caffeine
Baby breathe before you react

Sometimes we do forget to behave
And we regret what we say
Cause words are too weapons
If we don't choose'em carefully
Ladies and gentlemen this is instrumental
If life's to be a bed of roses

I know i gave you everything you like
Because you still give me butterflies

If we just try try try
Just to be ni-ni-nice
Then the world would be a better place for you and I
If we just live our lives
Putting our differences aside
Oh that would be so beautiful to me

Are we just dangling in the middle of a galaxy
Well i'm stoked on gravity
To be stuck with you like flowers on the dew drops
Now let it in my direction
My direction is up when everybody's down
Cause i don't mind being anybody's clown
I love a little lift cause i'm an optimistic
In an altruistic way

Cause basically this place is needing instruments of harmony
Spreading my philosophy of love and inspiration
Oh these words I speak I commit to like a crime
With a rhythm i deliver i'm giving them a picture
Of the reasons why

We should just try try try
Just to be ni-ni-nice
So the world could be a better place for you and I
If we just live our lives
Putting our differences aside
Oh that would be so beautiful to me

Well it wouldn't cost a penny but could save so many lonely lives
From teary eyes
If we just try try try
To open up a can of understanding open up your heart
I'm just planting seeds
Cause i believe

We could just try try try
Just to be ni-ni-nice
So the world would be a better place for you and I
If we just live our lives
Putting our differences aside
Oh that would be so beautiful to me

If we could try, just to be nice
oh That could be so beautiful to me
I believe,
that could be so beautiful to me

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Reading My Way Through Life

It has been a while since the last time I read a book and COMPLETED IT WITH JUST A FEW HOURS. That's the indication of how much I ENJOYED the book I have just finished reading. Although I did feel a bit disappointed of the ending, one that I felt ended too soon when I was hoping for more reconciliation and elaborated happy ending pages after all of what each of the character have gone through. Nevertheless, it was a VERY GOOD read I could not really get enough of it in the end.
Anyway, I guess all those writers did it sometimes. To not gives you everything and leave some for your imagination and let you decide how it's going to end. It happen a lot in movies too. Those movies that ends abruptly and leaves you wondering whether there's a second sequel to it or it was purposely done to let  your mind play tricks on you - something like that.

This is the first book that I read from this author, Meg Rosoff and I'm LOOKING FORWARD to read more of her writings after this.

Run Your Butt Off!

I used to hate dislike running. I couldn't see any point in just running from one point to another without a ball to kick or a racket to swing at the same time. I did a lot of sports but I was never the runner type.

It all started to change once I got into the working world. I didn't have friends to play basketball or volleyball anymore and the only alternative were badminton or ping-pong (both never been my strongest or favorite games)...and I started gaining to kg. I know for myself that it will be hard for me at first to like or do something that I'm not really good at or familiar with but I also do know that if I try hard enough, I'll be just fine and it will turn out great.

Just last week, I did a charity run for Husky. I mean for the SPCA Penang but we (together with Wel & Jew) kind of tribute it to Husky. Jew printed a picture of Husky and laminated it with dog-quote words and pinned it at the back of our running shirt.

This coming Sunday, we will all be running again for the Beach Run 'Race Against Time' in Batu Ferringi which is a run to boost awareness of organ donation. Now it does feel good to run and do something good at the same time. Apart from personal reason or goal for running, you can do your part for the community too. Isn't that great?

Despite my obvious change of heart on running, it might not be everyone's cup of tea but if you feel that you want to try it out (cause you'll never know if you never try either right), then I'll say...go for it! Run slowly at first...listen to some music to distract the temptation of stopping and I assure you that you'll feel like the healthiest people on earth after you are done with it.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Remind Yourself Everyday

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present
Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about
Always choose life.
If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
Forgive everyone, everything.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Early Morning Jog

I decided to wake up early this morning to go for a jog and start the day early as I could not really go back to sleep after waking up around 6am.

The message from Chris Guillebeau keep on playing through my head while I lay in my bed contemplating on getting up.

"Why do you get out of bed in the mornings?"

Here's what he wrote in one of the articles that he emailed to every subscribers. A little motivation for your guys today.

May 19, 2011

Rain Running

Every Sunday morning that I'm in town, I head out for a long run. Two weekends ago at the waterfront, the weather was glorious. The whole city of Portland took up jogging or cycling.

Last weekend at the waterfront, the weather was more to our usual end-of-Spring form... rainy and gloomy. The whole city of Portland stayed indoors.

On the sunny day, joggers and cyclists smiled at each other with a mutual appreciation of our good fortune. The implied message was, "It's good to be alive!"

But on the rainy day, a much smaller crowd of amateur athletes nodded at each other with mutual pride. The implied message was, "Nice job. Glad to see you made it out while other people are sleeping in."

If I don't feel like running one weekend, I go anyway. It's not just out of duty -- nine times out of ten, I'm glad I went. The days I feel bad about my writing aren't the days when I've written poorly. It's the days where I've done everything but write -- those days are killer. If you base your workout schedule on the weather, you'll never build a habit of exercise.

The same is true for writing or any other creative practice: base it on anything outside your control, and good luck getting anything done.

In a creative practice, waiting for "inspiration" is the worst. I follow the Somerset Maugham school of inspiration: "I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately, it strikes every morning at nine o'clock sharp."

It might not be every morning at nine o'clock sharp for you, but the point is that inspiration shows up when you have a deadline to meet. If you don't have a real deadline, better make one up.


I always like to hear about other people's goals and projects. One interesting way to find out what motivates someone is to ask:
"Why do you get out of bed in the mornings?"
Sometimes the answer is "school" or "a job," and that's fine -- I don't think everyone should walk away from schools and jobs without a plan. But the obvious follow-up is, what if you didn't have the obligation; what would you get out of bed in the mornings for if it was completely up to you?

I get up to run on Sundays, rain or shine. I'd rather it be shining, but regardless, the shoes are by the door the night before. The other six days of the week, I get up to write. I'm working toward something; I'll put the miles in.

How about you -- why do you get out of bed in the mornings?

Friday, May 20, 2011


Not really in a fine mood these last few days. I'm not going to let it show and hopefully I will feel alright again. What's wrong? I don't exactly know.


Monday, May 16, 2011

Elmo & Sin Chan

I have always love Sesame Street. Especially Elmo. He's just so adorable and cute. This is what happen if you have children at home and the only way to stop them from fighting with each other is to let them click the TV remote to their heart's content.

I remember when my niece, Lisa and nephew, Ian were just learning how to draw and learn names for things, Elmo was one of the character that I used many times to help them identify stuff like...'nose', 'eyes', 'circle' and so on. I will draw Elmo starting from the neck, circle head and add ears and hairs...etc, and teach it to them so that it's easier to remember when they're drawing it at the same time.

 It look something like this but I swear I'm much better at it then.

I can't really blame the kids for loving Sin Chan so much now that they are older. Look at what they have been exposed to. Sigh~

I have a song sang together with the drawings too. That Elmo drawing will go something like this...'I draw long, circle, eyes, nose, mouth, ear...and hair...Elmo!' It was a bit monotonous but those children have no idea about being sharp or a bit flat and stuff yet right...?

The Sin Chan song was a bit more creative since I got the lyrics from the comic book and I only have to make the whole melody up. It goes 'Ada sebuah bukit, berupa sebiji guli, sebiji kacang muncul di sebelah...buah ceri...buah ceri..Ulat bulu menyalam khabar baik..Jadi lah Sin Chan yang comel...' I hope I got that one right since I don't have the book anymore.

My sister was much better at the drawing stuff compared to me during those time. She will draw something more educational-type and the pictures look nicer every time. Sorry lah budak-budak, Ini ja aunty mampu. hahaha

I tried searching every mall but I still couldn't find the Sesame Street's T-Shirt (with Elmo in it of course) so if anyone of you out there who happen to see one please buy it for me first and we'll discuss about the details offline. Hahaha

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Evening Run

I'm feeling great running this evening and I'm determine to be more discipline in jogging everyday. I've had quite enough of people telling me that I gained some weight or that even though I did join a race events here and there but there's really not much of a difference in my body, etc. Plus, I want to feel more comfortable with my body (currently I'm feeling self-conscious so much, I don't like the feeling) and also as a way of boosting confidence and also there's the need to test just how much I can achieve in the next marathon event that I'm going to join.

3Km run will seems so easy for some people but for me it's a start. I jog for that exact amount of distance this evening without stopping and I'm feeling really happy because I didn't feel tired at all. Like what most people say about running, it's all pretty much depends on psychology. I decided that I'm just going to run happily and not going to think about the tiredness and that's exactly what happen. Wohoo!

Let's see how it goes tomorrow.

Enjoy The Ride

It's a very good reminder for me who likes driving fast every time but apart from that, this also applies in life...sometimes, it's great to just slow down and appreciate your surroundings.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Events Tracking...

Done/ Registered...
Penang MALAKOFF Run, 8Km - 27th March 2011

 Sepang Energizer Night Race, 11Km - 16th April 2011

Larian Perpaduan, 6Km - 08th May 2011

Coming up/ Yet to register...
- Kuala Kangsar Larian Hari Keputeraan Sultan Azlan Shah - 22nd May 2011
- SPCA Penang Charity Run - 29th May 2011
- KOMTAR Tower Run -  12th Jun 201
- Ipoh International Run - 03rd July 2011
- Penang Bridge International Marathon - 20th November 2011

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Trip Back Home

Only 2 more days and then I'll be at home with Mom, sis and the kids. :-)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Office

It happen to every offices in this world. I have only been changing jobs two times but let me tell you what I have seen so far. No matter where you are right now, which company, big or small, there is always this one type of colleague.

The Pervert.

They think they are being funny and open la konon...but seriously, there's a very fine line between being funny and being offensive. Sot punya orang. Tsk tsk tsk.

Btw, somebody in the office (nasib baik bukan tu si Pervie...kalau nda aku tempiling la dia..haha) said that I'm becoming fatter. Here I am joining Marathon and all that...jogging every evening...and I'm fatter??? Wtf. Nda la suda mo jogging. hahaha

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Thank You For Smoking

Yay. Found the movie accidentally while surfing the internet. Been trying to remember the title of that movie. I watched it when I was still in campus. It's quite an interesting movie and I had a good time watching it. You guys should watch this. Especially if you are the smoking type. Hahaha..kidding. Anyone can watch this no problem.

I'm thinking of buying the book. Hmmm.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

That's it.

It has to stop somehow. For your own good. Stop feeling insecure and stop thinking about those things that makes you feel second best. Don't ever let anyone makes you feel less about yourself anymore. Never rely on anyone to make you feel good about yourself. You don't need their compliment and you don't need sweet words. You don't have to be this or that enough for someone. What happen to the girl who always  believe in herself no matter what. You don't have to dig deep and look far. It's in you. It has always been there.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Today I don't feel like doing anything...

...I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing la la la la

Nice song.

Btw, I'm supposed to be out and jog around this evening but really really feel lazy like really really lazy. Haha

Hello okay there...tulung jangan bertambah gemuk lagi k...bisuk sy kasi jugging kau...

Tsk tsk tsk

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


That's what happen today. My colleagues been pestering me to join the Motorola Toastmaster and I join for the first time this afternoon. I'm quite the chatty least if I wanted to but maybe due to rustiness, I could not really think of anything interesting to say during the table topic presentation.

You know people, no matter how boring the topic might be, you can always find something interesting, not-so-off topic stuff that you can put in your story to make people interested in listening to you and for you to have a fun experience. I'll try to remember that for the next session.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Those Words...

I found it. And I'm happy. From the bottom of my heart. Nothing else matter now but you.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Time Flies

It's already April. I have a feeling that time passes quicker every year. And I've been busy. In a good way of course. Hi hi hi.

Working life is so far so good. Very busy but I'm happy with the way things are now. Been up hiking and also fishing (Bukit Jambul, Youth Park, Pantai Kerachut) and jog every evening getting ready for all the run that I have registered.

In February, I went to Kelantan for the first time for my best friend's wedding. Congratulation again Axxa. Love you. :-) It was a very good trip and I get to see another part of this country that is quite unique and different. I have some pictures taken all around town but have to dig it out somewhere.

Two weeks before, on 20th March I went down to Singapore (also my first time) for work purpose. Visiting customer which happen to be one of those great places to be in Singapore. Sentosa World Resort. It was a very good trip and I'm happy I did a great job and able to produce good field report. I get to hang out with Rayner, Cecilia and Brandon too, which have kept their promise to treat me well if I ever visit them there. Thank you guys. :-)

@ Clarke Quay

I think this is @ 313

First run of the year was the Malakoff Run. I did 1hr 03mins for a 8Km run. Proud of me. It could have been better if Wel didn't trick me into walking for a good few minutes! I won't fall for that again next time Wel. So you better watch out. Kidding! Hahaha Anyway, I'm looking forward to the Energizer Night Run in three weeks time!

Us after the run

And that's roughly what I have been up to these last few months. I'm grateful for all of the great things that had happen so far.

Thank you life.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Letting go...really?

I'm not a very good person. Honestly. So why in the world would I thought of all these demands? That I deserve much more than this. That I don't have to let myself go through all this. That I can choose other ways to be happy.

This was all I can think of most of the time. Everyday. Every single waking hour since I got myself into this... Sometimes I wonder why do I let myself to be hurt when I can choose not to.

Anyone have any idea how hard this is for me? No. How crazy it is to keep things to yourself and always feel second best?Again, no.

I have try reasoning with myself, trying to tell myself that it's okay not to be treated the way I wish I am. That if I just try my best, put my heart into it and make all the effort I can think of...whatever happen after this, at least I tried. But when it is time to really harden my heart and think of what's best for's really hard too. It's hard to imagine life without...

All I ever to be fully loved just the way I am. I don't want somebody who need to try to like me. Why try? It only means one thing, they don't really like you. Let go.

I thought that I'm never going to be good enough...but I never try asking myself up until now that maybe it's the other way around? 

Monday, March 14, 2011

Let me ask you this...

can you or can you not love someone unconditionally even without that person ever loving you back completely?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Lesson For Today

An e-mail  from boss this morning...enjoy reading.

Nine Things Successful People Do Differently

1. Get specific

When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. "Lose 5 pounds" is a better goal than "lose some weight," because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you'll "eat less" or "sleep more" is too vague — be clear and precise. "I'll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights" leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you've actually done it.

2. Seize the moment to act on your goals.

Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it's not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Did you really have no time to work out today? No chance at any point to return that phone call? Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers.
To seize the moment, decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., "If it's Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I'll work out for 30 minutes before work.") Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.

3. Know exactly how far you have left to go.

Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don't know how well you are doing, you can't adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal.

4. Be a realistic optimist.

When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation. But whatever you do, don't underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal. Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.

5. Focus on getting better, rather than being good.

Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won't improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.
Fortunately, decades of research suggest that the belief in fixed ability is completely wrong — abilities of all kinds are profoundly malleable. Embracing the fact that you can change will allow you to make better choices, and reach your fullest potential. People whose goals are about getting better, rather than being good, take difficulty in stride, and appreciate the journey as much as the destination.

6. Have grit.

Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher college GPAs. Grit predicts which cadets will stick out their first grueling year at West Point. In fact, grit even predicts which round contestants will make it to at the Scripps National Spelling Bee.
The good news is, if you aren't particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack grit more often than not believe that they just don't have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking .... well, there's no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good strategies are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.

7. Build your willpower muscle.

Your self-control "muscle" is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn't get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.
To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you'd honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don't. Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they occur ("If I have a craving for a snack, I will eat one piece of fresh or three pieces of dried fruit.") It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that's the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.

8. Don't tempt fate.

No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it's important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don't try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don't put yourself in harm's way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.

9. Focus on what you will do, not what you won't do.

Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., "Don't think about white bears!") has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.
If you want change your ways, ask yourself, What will I do instead? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like "If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down." By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely.

8:58 AM Friday February 25, 2011
by Heidi Grant Halvorson

Thursday, February 24, 2011

A baby girl was born...

...about 2 and a half hours from now, 26 years ago.


Monday, February 14, 2011

Another Day

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Thursday, February 10, 2011

AM on 2nd Day

I woke up 15 minutes earlier this morning! Hihihi...

I took my time in the shower, had breakfast at home instead of going to the office cafe and I get to spend more time bercantik-cantik in front of the mirror, applying face powder carefully and putting a bit of a blusher for a change so, no more of that "You look pale, are you not feeling well?" or "You look like a ghost, please just go back early today and get a rest" kind of comments. I got all that since secondary school. The best one so far is the one I got yesterday, "Clarice, why do look green?" That was creative. Never get that before. Green? Hahahaha...then I know I seriously need to do something about it. Light make up everyday or just drink more blood. Lol.

Anyway, on my way to the office, I heard 'The Climb' and 'Man In The Mirror' on the radio and sing along with it. I feel strangely happy and quite in a good mood. Like everything will just go smoothly and fine today.

Happy Working! :)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Alarm Clock

I'm going to need that more than ever.

I'm struggling with work related stress at this very moment. I'm trying not to let it affect me so much so that for the first time ever I can feel my blood pressure leveled up. To those of you who didn't know, that's quite an achievement for me because I have a long history of suffering the opposite of that.

Jewin said to me, "Go blogging."

I didn't have the slightest interest of pressuring my mind on what to write and what not to write or all those other what-not when it comes to blogging difficulty but here's what I should do, at least according to Robin Sharma. Or not. Whatever.

Think of how to get up early.

I know you probably think like, wth! Yeah. I didn't actually plan on writing that. I was already in the middle of something more relevant to a de-stress stuff but I deleted it and opt for this one instead.

When you think about it, planning on doing something out of ordinary, something you don't usually do or you just to lazy to even think about it, actually help to get us into the excited mode. I am now but I can feel that it is starting to diminish so I should finish this quick so that it won't go to the drafted lists and never get posted.

Why I Even Think of Getting Up Early.
1) Apparently I just needed something to think of now other than the expectation of my boss.

2) This is quite a big thing for me because I like waking up and going to work in my own time. If I get to do this at least for 21 days, it's really something and I will celebrate it with pampering myself in a spa or something or to put this more simply - To challenge myself.

3) This actually is a great gift for myself - I get more life.

4) I suddenly agree with Benjamin Franklin that there'll be plenty of time to sleep when you are dead.

So that's the Why, now is the How.
1) Get super fit, you'll require less sleep. - which can only mean 1 thing for me. Start jogging again!

2) Get every single weekend massage. Hmm.

3) Eat less food. You can eat every 4 hours...but still reduce the quantity. Never eat after 8pm.

4) Get up in the morning, sit on your chair, get a piece of paper, and start dumping all your worries in it because when you worry, you'll lose energy.

5) Learn to find ways to love you job.

Not really sound interesting or motivational enough? Just do it and stop whining. Note for me and also for you, if you don't get it the first time...try again the next morning...and the morning after that. Once you got it, give me a high 5 here.

Ready, Get Set, Go!

Monday, February 7, 2011


Looking cute here.

I remember seeing this in Tesco for the past few weeks and have always wanted to find out how to cook this mysterious (at least to me) little bulb plant. And...of course I forgot about it every time but guess what?

I freaking ate it the whole day without knowing! I was eating a 'kerepek' that my colleague, Ziet Hong gave me as a Chinese New Year cookies and while doing some google-ing I saw a picture of the deep-fried Arrowhead and thought it look familiar.

"Of course it look familiar. That's what you've been eating non-stop since morning," said Ziet Hong.

I was laughing merrily at that. Now I know how it is cooked and I get to eat it at the same time! Kah Kah Kah...


Apparently, it is a popular Chinese New Year festive chips. No wonder I've been seeing it around!

"Some people also grow the bulb to decorate their house during the festive period because the auspicious-looking arrowhead-shaped leaves symbolise (i) growth and prosperity (步步高升) as well as (ii) blessings for a male offspring." - Wiffy

Not that I'm looking for any kind of offspring right now but I'm quite happy for this new discovery today. [smiley.smiley]

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Angels Brought Me Here

Listening to a music and songs that I love has always been like some kind of a therapy for me. I realize that when everything else fails, this will never let me down.

Been listening to Carrie Underwood songs which soothes me over like nothing else can and found this. Nice one!

Btw, she's also a Pisces like me, we are those who are very sensitive and compassionate. Hehe...ada point kah? lol