Make It Go Away

My chest have been hurting since last night. It hurt so much it won't go away anymore. It is there all the time and all I can do to ignore it is to keep myself busy with work. It's not because I had a nasty cough or that I ran into a pole, but it's like the one you feel when you lost something you hold dear, or when you realize that it's hurting too much, or when you see someone you love can never be happy with you the way they are happy with somebody else.

Though the feeling hasn't passed

To Love A Woman

I saw Daniel's post about Enrique Iglesias's song and it remind me of this one song of him together with Lionel Richie that I really like back then.

Beautiful lyrics and awesome voices. Both of them.

This is us...

I'm like a sunday morning, you're like friday night
And when we kiss, the perfect weekend -no rain in sight
When i'm feeling incomplete, you're my missing piece
And when you need your breathe taken away i'll be your thief

From the start to the end
We don't need to pretend
That we're perfect all the time
'cause we know what we have
Thru the good the bad
It's a strength that you can't deny...

I don't need to find a million reasons why
This is us, this is us, this is how we love
Some ways we're different
But together we're so right
This is us, this is us
And this is how we love

And even if we fall apart, we'll never feel alone
Just like the moon starts rising, our hearts bring us home
We can always find each other like the northern star
Doesn't matter where we are, i'm looking, going far

From the start to the end
We don't need to pretend
That we're perfect all the time
'cause we know what we have
Thru the good the bad
It's a strength that you can't deny...

I don't need to find a million reasons why
This is us, this is us, this is how we love
Some ways we're different
But together we're so right
This is us, this is us
And that's the way we love

We don't always see eye to eye
You must see a million colours
I just see it black and white
(ain't no way we could get much higher)
'cause when we touch it feels like fire
We both know how good this feels
Yes we do... baby... because...

This is you
This is me
This is us

I don't need to find a million reasons why
This is us, this is us, this is how we love
Some ways we're different
But together we're so right
This is us, this is us
And this is how we love

This Is Us - Keyshia Cole

What Not

There's a lot of common foundation in a relationship that we always have to look into so that we can be certain of a positive growth with our partner but right now i can only comes up with these two things. Just my two cents on Friday evening.


Acceptance & Forgiveness

It's not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry'. Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here'. Not 'how could you', but 'i understand'. Not 'i wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are'.

In any relationship, you should always keep in mind to balance whatever things going on between you and your partner.

If your other half did something bad and genuinely says that he/she's sorry after that. Forgive him/her. Everyone make mistakes. At that time, it may be his/her wrong judgment, but be sure that you'll have your turn too in the future. Nobody's perfect. A fight or any mistake should be deal with mutual understanding on both party. It's funny how we can say that friendship or job's mistake can makes us stronger and good but when it comes to love, it's merely the other person's fault and that you were hurt.

There are times when even if you think that your partner maybe the sole cause of a fight or a mistake, be with him/her and bear the blame together. Help to ease the guilt they are feeling inside. In one way or another, i always believe that it's never a one person mistakes but it happens because both of you are allowing it to. Take your share on the problem. Pointing fingers should never be done and the last thing you want is to take revenge and in returns makes your partner feels just how much it hurt you or just how bad he/she was. Trust me, he/she will feel resentment towards you in future.


Sharing & Understanding

We decide to be in a relationship because we want someone other than ourselves. We were alone before that so basically we did all the things alone. We are capable of doing that.

So when it comes to an opinion, he/she should not be telling you that you have to get up on your ass and deal with everything on your own. To be in control or something more classic - to get hold of your own happiness. To be in a relationship is to share. To rely on each other shoulder if things get tough. If all you can tell your partner is go and be independent, then why in the hell did you agree to be with her/him in the relationship at the first place? I don't mean that you have to be totally dependent on your partner because that's a big no for me but at least when the problem is beyond him/her control physically or emotionally, you should be there. And when she/he actually comes up and meekly say that she/he doesn't know what to do, the last thing you should ever say is to ask back - what do we do now? If she/he knows that, she/he would not be asking you at the first place. If you don't know what to say, make up of something good to say..or just listen and hug him/her to let them know that everything will be alright. Even if it's not.

I'm not an expert but i was just sharing what i think are the right thing at least for me to do in every similar situation. Talk is cheap i know, but at least you try. Sometimes silence is even more damaging than saying it out loud. It's all a matter of a good timing.

As for my own relationship now... :) i'll keep that private but if you need to know, then i'll tell you this, i'm perfectly happy and that every difficulties are just a test of what we learn from each other and to see if we really understand it. It's just like learning things in school really. The relationship is the school. And those two person in it are both the teacher and the student taking turns... it's a give and take.


That's all i can think of right now... I'll jot in a more complete ending and substance when i have proper ideas in my head. So for now, that's it. [he he he]

Girl1: "There should be a pill that you can take to make love go away."

Girl2: "Why would you wanna make love go away?
It's hard enough to find it in the first place."

The End Of Life As I Know It

G: A fella just has to tell a woman the truth without words...it's like a signal you send out to the woman and she just picks it up.

H: And what's the truth?

G: that kissing her would be the end of life as I know it.

H: Well....and that's true of every girl you've gotten to kiss you?

G: I could turn it on and off when I was younger and had no principles...when every girl that I was lucky enough to kiss was the end of life as I knew it.

H: and now???

G: Now I only send it out when I think she might be the one that makes it true.



Guess which movie was that lines? I'm so much in love with Gerard Butler. ;)

My Sweet Song

My sweet song
It's been a long time
What'd you come around here for
Cause that old love is gone
And I've since carried on
Thought I was rid of you for sure
Oh my sweet song, you don't sound so
sweet no more

Please don't sing to me
Cause it hurts me to hear the melody that was
Good to me before
Oh my sweet song, you don't sound so
sweet no more

Oh you said love was forever and you told me
love would never
Break my heart, and I believed you as I fell
That's all over, let it go,
You're just a song I used to know
And your fantasy, it don't work for me
Go and pick on someone else

My sweet song
Guess I'm stuck with you
And someday, I'll find the love I'm looking for
Then my sweet, sweet song won't sound so
sad no more
My sweet, sweet song, I'll guess I'll always be yours

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

Toby Lightman – My Sweet Song (OST - P.S I Love You)

I....

I love her more than anything or anyone in this world. So when something or someone hurt her, i feel an equal pain as well. And it's very frustrating when at that moment, i can not do more than what i did to help. I feel helpless.

We've gone through a very long period & years of difficulties some can only imagine. And i always wish for as long as i can remember, that i can return every small things..every sacrifice..she has ever gave me...everything.

And i will.

February - The Month of Love

Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love’s only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.

Love isn’t about becoming somebody else’s ‘perfect person.’ It’s about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

Never say ‘I love you’ if you don’t care.

Never talk about feelings if they aren’t there.

Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.

Never look in the eye when all you do is lie.

It's cruel to let someone fall in love with you when you do not intend to catch them fall.

Love is also not about ‘it’s your fault’, but ‘I’m sorry.’ Not ‘where are you’, but ‘I’m right here.’ Not ‘how could you’, but ‘I understand.’ Not ‘I wish you were’, but ‘I’m thankful you are.’

How to be in love? Fall but don’t stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.

It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it’s more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea about how you feel.

A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn’t worth it. If he isn’t worth it now he’s not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go…..

Happy February y'all......have a lovey dovey month! ;) [chuckling]

A date

"God created dating so that a woman could discover the bad news about a man before she gets involved with him, not after. It is something you do to find out whether or not you want to be with the man...so take your time."

LOVE

"I have found the paradox, that if you Love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more Love." - Mother Theresa

I wish everyone of us have more love, more empathy & more kindness in our heart for those around us. - Claire

Love Is In The Air

I think i'm in love. or infatuation. whatever you call it. maybe it's mutual.....or not. i don't care.

I realize about it deep inside my heart for quite some time already, i just try not to bother about it so much because i know i'll get over it or he'll be off my mind in no time...why? because there's really nothing i can do to make me & Mr Charming together. The option is unthinkable & impossible. And he doesn't even have the same feeling towards me anyway. So, i thought forgetting him would be easy enough.

How wrong i was.

My mind would often wander back at the first time we made eye contact on that particular night. It was quite hard to describe. I heard someone coming from the gate & i tilted my head to look..and found myself face to face with him & for a fraction of second, i saw something flickered in his eyes. Maybe it's just an expression people had over familiarity but i like to think of it as because he felt the chemistry too.

Then he asked me out a few days after that.
I got in the car, he kissed me on the cheek & told me i looked great. That...should be the perfect first date for me. ;) He was & still is the perfect gentleman. He never let me out of sight throughout the night & hold me every now & then just to show that he's there. ;)

"Where have you been? I've been looking for you." said Mr Charming
"Owh..i just need to go to the washroom..." I feebly answered.
"You should have told me & i can walk you there."

I simply stare at him. It actually felt so surreal at that time. No one ever made me felt quite like that before. Well, a perfect gentleman is known to be a rare breed. It's just that there's no pretentious there & it was as if that's how he's always been. His own self that is cool, romantic (in a good way of course) & funny. Plus, he's a very good dancer. We just.....click.

Tell me...How can someone look that good, that charming and not showing typical pretentious at the same time? Owh..i have my fair share of being in & out of relationship...so i'll know right away if the guy is a fake or simply not my type.

Why why & why do i always ended up liking someone who does not feel the way i do...or someone who's not available. Maybe it's true that all the good guys are pretty much taken.

And i'll be seeing him again soon. I know i should stop this while i can. and of course somehow...sooner or later..it really has to stop [isk..] Even right from the start, the relationship spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e. I'll get hurt in the end. But as always, i guess it's worth it for the time being. ;) It's not like i have anything better to do anyway. and as a single most available lady..i can do pretty much anything i wanted to. and also i'm not asking anything from him anyway. just a comfortable & nice company will do. ok...good excuse. clever me. plus it's about time i start seeing someone. or maybe not...not like this..owh God..i'm doomed.


p/s I had a mental argument about posting this entry...but there's a very good chance of me exploding over a build up of uncertainty & confusion.

Screw you

"Claire, do you have any songs for me now? I feel terrible."

Mr N asked me for a song last night. The purpose was solely to make him feel at least a lil' bit better & of course for him to express his anger or sadness in a right way after a huge fight with his bitchy girlfriend. He was thinking of breaking up with her. [well..i hope all he did was listen..any girl would not want to be at the end receiver of this song..hehe]

So i decided to give him this song. Here's the lyrics...

Boomp3.com

Loose lips sunk ships
I'm getting to grips with what you said
No it's not in my head
I can´t awaken the dead, day after day
Why don't we talk about it?
Why do you always doubt that there can be a better way?
It doesn't make me wanna stay

Why don't we break up?
There's nothing left to say
I've got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
And we're not sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away

You say we're fatally flawed
When I'm easily bored, is that ok?
Write me off your list
Make this the last kiss, I'll walk away
Why don't we talk about it?
I'm only here don't shout it
Given time we'll forget
Let's pretend we never met

Screw you, I didn't like your taste
Anyway, I chose you and that's all gone to waste
It's Saturday, I'll go out
And find another you


Well i agree it's a bit harsh so this song only apply to anyone feeling really hurt to the point of losing their mind. [hehe]

So...if you ever wish you have just the right word & the right song to tell someone how you feel..or just to feel the mood of it...don't hesitate to ask me & i'll try to help you find just the right tracks. [wink2]

Till We Ain't Strangers Anymore

Boomp3.com

It might be hard to be lovers
But it's harder to be friends
Baby, pull down the covers
It's time you let me in
Maybe light a couple candles
I'll just go ahead and lock the door
If you just talk to me baby
Till we ain't strangers anymore

Lay your head on my pillow
I sit beside you on the bed
Don't you think its time we say
Some things we haven't said
It ain't too late to get back to that place
Back to where, we thought it was before
Why don't you look at me
Till we ain't strangers anymore

Sometimes it's hard to love me
Sometimes it's hard to love you too
I know it's hard believing
That love can pull us through
It would be so easy
To live your life

With one foot out the door
Just hold me baby
Till we ain't strangers anymore

It's hard to find forgiveness
When we just turn out the light
It's hard to say you're sorry
When you can't tell wrong from right
It would be so easy
To spend your whole damn life
Just keeping score
So let's get down to it baby
There ain't no need to lie

Tell me who you think you see
When you look into my eyes
Lets put our two hearts back together
And we'll leave the broken pieces on the floor
Make love with me baby
Till we ain't strangers anymore

The Girl & Mr A

I had an interesting conversation with Mr A at this time of day yesterday. Well it's more like a chatting really. ;)

"If you put a high hope on a girl then suddenly u want to stop doing that because maybe after some time, you found someone else..what do you think the girl would think of me?"

I was silent for a while.

"And i haven't said the 3 magic words. Don't worry."

Ok...again i was contemplating on how best to answer his questions.

"Instead of answering you, may i ask why do you need to stop? Which one do you actually like more?" I asked him.

"Well...honestly, i don't know." He typed after a few seconds.
"I like this one girl...and in terms of beauty...she really got it all..but this other one, i've been dying to tell her since decades ago of how much i like her but i never got the courage to do so..and now that i may have the chance to tell her, i have to decide between her & this girl i told you earlier."

I could not think of a suitable reply at first.

"Well...if you really think of what you want and about how you feel...i think you will know what to do..i mean which one to choose."

That was the answer i gave him. I knew it's not much of an answer but choosing was never easy so i didn't want to help him making the wrong one.

"The thing now is i'm a bit concerned of what the girls may think of me.....i just don't want to be labeled a player because i do have quite a bit of collection but i never actually declare anything to anyone..I was just taking time to understand each of the girls so that i know who is the right one." He typed with a smiley following closed after.

"Don't bother on what people may say about you. Or in this case..the other not chosen girls. Because at the end of the day, you are the one who want to be happy & necessary reject is required." I told him with a wink.

And we chat about it for quite some time................................................................................................ (i'll spare you the details you may not want to know...hehe)

Then we come to another interesting point of our conversation. Mr A was telling me that the real problem was that he's very choosy. And below is the criteria he would like on a girl. I was quite excited to wait till he gave all the details...(we girls do like to know what type of person a guy would generally interested to kan..hehe)

So i copy here the requirement for a girl for Mr A;-
1. Beautiful
2. Able to cook
3. Able to converse in mother tongue language
4. Loves children
5. Can make it feel so nervous saying the words (i was smiling on this part..hehe)
6. got magnetic impulse
7. (secret) haha...

And we talk about it which i also don't want to put into details here..;)....bla bla bla

Then he asked again what do i think of a 'collector guy'.
And i said, "If i know that the guy is still looking for the right one for him..then i guess it's just okay..i would not hold any grudges against him. It's his right to do even if he may hurt my feelings along the way because i've seen it coming. So whatever anyone decide, i won't blame or think bad of them. There's always reason you know. Be it bad or good."

"And what i may feel in between the relationship? Or maybe here it's what the other girls of yours may feel? I think they may feel insecure knowing that you have a lot of choices to consider. Not to mention if you are not really into them and they knew it...it will hurt actually."

I continue my preaching. [haha]

"Then they may feel angry with me for giving them false hope." Typed Mr A.

"Depends, but most probably they will think and feel that way. But if it's me...i don't think i will..i'll try to think of being in your shoes & i may even do the same thing...bukan lelaki sja ba yg mo pilih-memilih ni. But i give up quite fast lah..tu sja keburukan dia.."

"So..how if i keep things as it is for the time being? I mean untill someone give up..then i don't really have to choose?" Mr A typed in quickly.

"Then there's a tendency you'll lose someone good." Was my only reply.

"Yeah..that's right." Mr A answered me.


p/s cerita dia atas ada diubah sedikit kandungan nya utk melindungi tuan punya cerita..haha okay pkul 6.06 sda..buli balik rumah..hahaha oh ya..and to Mr A if you are reading this..i hope you'll not get angry with me for sharing this very interesting topic of yours k...hehe

Labah-labah

I've learned that poking through even a lil bit of cracks on the wall i've built was never a good thing...

No further comments.

Totally on different issue...i'm going to post about my favorite kids in the world tonight...;)

Mae when she's 3 years old

The above very cute budak is Avril Lisa Mae, my sis's first child & the one i'm very close to because she's the first kid that me, mom & sis can call our own..;) we always had this intention of getting anak angkat. Tu la ba boring kalau dua org ja adik beradik..kin bosan. haha

i think he's about one year old at this time

Then, 2nd child...that have exactly the look of my sis...muka penampang ni tau..haha comes Ian Carter..I always love the name Ian..si kakak yang dapat anak lelaki dulu..so dia rebut la tu nama..both of us love the name very much...tia pa la kasi can..nsb kiut ni budak..kalau nda..haha
I think, it was back when we were studying at the same secondary school that was in Stella Maris, we both have a crush on the guy next door..schooling at La Salle at that time..biasa la kalau sebelah sja skolah..mmg mo cuci mata la...but this Ian of ours was very2 cute la....hehe

Now Mae is about 5 years old..& Ian is around 3 to 4 years i think..;)

Still got the 3rd & 4th child of me sis..but i don't have their picture with me now...i miss all of them so so very very much...sometimes i have this regrets of not being around when they are growing up..i miss all the fun & beautiful thing of seeing a child you love so much learning their first word & teaching them to draw sin chan....or elmo..& singing the labah-labah song together...

'Satu labah-labah cuba panjat tinggi..
Bila hujan turun..cepat-cepat lari..
Terbit matahari..air tiada lagi..
Labah boleh panjat..sekali lagi...'

;( I just miss them so much...[sigh]


p/s tu nama Avril sama Carter tu bukan sy yg kasi nama aa..sy letak Lisa Mae ja..si kakak sembarang ja letak Avril di depan..terpengaruh btl! haha..sweet name juga la..then tu Carter pun tia tau pengaruh mana lg tu...;D

Superwoman

You are listening to it now.

It's Alicia Keys - Superwoman. I heard the song again last night & watched the clip again & again, repeatedly until i get sleepy.

It reminds me strongly of Mom at home.

I would like to dedicate this entry to my dear Mom, for being the greatest mom in the world to me...for being there no matter how hard it was for her...for raising me patiently & never thought of herself more than she should be...Life was hard for us back then, but she never once succumb to defeat..

I love her more than anything in this world and I will never again questions and waver from doing what I must do now regardless of what I may felt about it. I may not be able to express the gratitude i felt..for being there when I needed her to..we may never hug and kiss like others cause it would be too awkward for our own good.. but I know she love me and i hope she know I love her too..

This song is for you Mom. I love you.


Alicia Keys Lyrics
Superwoman Lyrics

Boomp3.com

Being In Love...

Being "in love" is wonderful. You smile more. You laugh spontaneously. Your step is livelier. Common everyday things - activities you've done for years seem wonderfully different. And all things are "right" in your world. In other words, happiness is at an all-time high.

But often it doesn’t last long no matter how much you wanted to spend your lifetime together & ready to sacrifice almost anything for the person you love. It caught you off guard & suddenly you are not together anymore.

I’m not pretty sure why I’m writing about this topic again because the last time I did, it was for the right reason and after a while, I deleted all of it from my blog. Shouldn’t have done so I think, for at least it may ease and find a way into other people’s heart. Words of others who’ve been in the same spot used to make me feel much way better before through the hard times & bitter moments.

Now…I guess I just want to share again in a different perspective as a healed broken hearted person. Well, not exactly cured because it never did for this particular area in person’s life.

But maybe at least not being one sided & bias in opinion of whose fault & who to blame, what I should have know & what I should have done…all those things.

Everyone has been broken by someone just like each of us must have broke people hearts too. I did. That’s how I think it makes it more bearable to be hurt & cheated by someone because you knew how terribly guilty & wrong it makes you feel when you are the one doing it & that somehow you deserve to be in what you did to others before…especially if it’s the same person.

Almost everyone will tell you that only time can cure a broken heart. It’s so typically cliché but it does happen to be true. Some relationships are harder to get over than others in each point of our life. We may choose some of it to be the love of our life & some for moments to have fun. All the same, the process of healing a broken heart never been easy but of course it can be done. Thinking back, I almost forgot how long has it been for me... 1, 2, 3…it’s been half a year, or exactly 190days 15hours 25minutes and 50seconds at this point of lines of this blog.

Now… did I hate him? The answer is no. I still miss him from times to times but I can never get to hate him after all that had happen. I tried everyday not to blame myself or him for the cause of the breaking even if I happen to know from others that he blame it all on me. Its hard at the beginning knowing that he think that way, but after a while, I thought to myself that, he can think all he want to as a way of getting over it or maybe just how he wanted things to end. Cause it may be the only way to make him feel better…if it so, then let it be.

I still remember how hard I cry at those times. I didn’t sleep for days and feel like a dead body walking around. Every time I did have some sleep, only to be awaken by dreams of him & the girl holding hands & being with each other. I actually started to think I have some gifts at dreaming the future because the next day, friends would call me and text me saying they saw him dating together. [duh] Owh… how bad do you think it makes me feel at that times. Even before, I once dream bout him being with another girl in a club and the next day, when I teasingly ask him about it, he actually confessed that he did met his ex girl the night before. So it really hurt after the break up, whenever I dreamed about it especially when it feel so real & I woke up crying because then I know it’s realy happening at that moment or the next day. I sometimes cried so hard in my pray asking why did i have to know all that.

For the early weeks, I didn’t so much as tell anyone about the break up. I never quite sure why because every time I had that kind of ordeal before, I usually share it with my friends to make me feel much better. Maybe that time I didn’t know how to say it or didn’t know I can bear to tell about it to anyone. But after a while, I start opening up & my family & friends have been great. I get all the girlfriends together, cry it out, watch movies, and badmouth him saying all those inappropriate swear and alone at home, I gather all the courage to look again to things and throw all pictures and everything else that reminds me of him. It did help a lot to start a new day everyday looking at absolutely everywhere & didn’t see anything that can make me think of him.

After a while, I stop thinking about what makes me sad and realize that analyzing what went wrong will only make it worse. Me and him probably didn't do anything wrong, people just grow apart sometimes.

Well, enough of my past love-broken-story. Just keep in mind to anyone out there that at this very moment feels like it’s the end of the world… I know it hurts like hell to the point of tears, but there is no magic cure, you need to live through it the best you can. When you are over it, you will have gained a great and wonderful experience. It will make you stronger emotionally, wiser in love and you can take yourself more lightly. Go ahead, have a good cry, it's very therapeutic.

Woman... spend money & pick up the next guy in the bar.
For men...spend money & pick up the next slut in the bar..........................ok. I know. Just kidding.

But never afraid to go wild and started dating again & get the butterflies back whenever you notice someone thinks you are hot and sexy. Don’t stay but linger a moment, don’t promise anything but be free as long as you want it to be. But keep in mind to be honest & put things straight that you are just trying to have a good comfortable time in a presence of a great person. Last thing you need is hurting someone when you know yourself how exactly that would feel.

Just a thought though… everyone have their own way of dealing with the pain. Don’t just do what others tell you to...do what you think feels right, what you think you wanted to do. This is not so much of a psychiatric advice. Just thought it may brings some different to some people. We all deserve to be happy. Why think so much of the lost love & past memories when you can live and find new love & get new memories. Sometimes, giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

Claire-May 19 (taken from my friendster blog)