tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16775297115493643232024-02-07T21:20:41.847+08:00Life & Other Distractions...wake me up when it's over.Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.comBlogger330125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-18864871660933183142012-05-20T14:03:00.001+08:002012-05-20T14:03:12.685+08:00First DayFrom now onwards,<br />
I will live, love, feel and try more... <br />
Until the last day of my life.Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-49575485099279717922012-05-03T13:31:00.002+08:002012-05-03T13:31:17.343+08:00What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world.- <i>from the movie Closer.</i>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-75886394190228395942012-04-25T12:49:00.000+08:002012-04-25T12:49:22.067+08:00An ex is an ex for a reason<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
They broke up for a reason. Full stop.<br />
<br />
No one should ever let the past effect the present and ruin the future. It's hard to control but don't let some ex control the success of your relationship. Easier said than done. I know. If the other person is not doing something about it, get control of it and decide for yourself just how much you want it to effect you and your emotion.<br />
<br />
Become bored with it. The only downside of this is that, be careful not to get bored with the feelings and the relationship itself.<br />
<br />
Think about it, you can become bored with just about anything. Just like no matter how much you love Chicken Rice for example, if you ate it every single day, 3 meals a day, your mind would start to block out the flavors.<br />
<br />
The same is true if you are hurting. I know that sometimes it's really hard to ignore because the thought is always there and sometimes you refuse to face it head-on. Instead it lingers at the edges, poking at you constantly. Stop it. Just do something like what a broken record does. Let it repeat itself over and over again and after a while you will be sick and tired of hearing it. It will be really painful the first time. To acknowledge those things or memories or stuff or just about the person itself that really hurt you but it has to be done. <br />
<br />
At the end of the day, it really only hurt one person. You. It's keeping you from being happy which is really not how it is suppose to be. Everyone have their own baggage of past relationship but it's really not fair to go and put the burden to the person you'll want to be with at the present. </div>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-82499203868865558722012-02-17T23:42:00.000+08:002012-02-17T23:42:23.532+08:00Always End Your Day With Good Thoughts And FeelingsSigh~<br />
<br />
At least I'm feeling alright now.<br />
<br />
I just feel the need to share with you one of my favorite quote today. I remember this while talking to my good friend earlier.<br />
<br />
"If you doing ordinary things everyday, you will always be ordinary. If you want to be extraordinary, then start doing something extraordinary."<br />
<br />
Hope that will keep you get start in anything you've been dreaming of. [smile]Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-24054732729409052282012-02-17T18:11:00.000+08:002012-02-17T18:11:54.832+08:00You Can All Go To HellI'm reeling with emotion right now. Somehow the day just turn out wrongly for me. I guess it's because of the bottled up emotion I have been keeping all these time or there's just something wrong with either me or everybody else.<br />
<br />
I hate.<br />
<br />
I'm frustrated.<br />
<br />
I'm tired.<br />
<br />
I'm unhappy.<br />
<br />
That's how my feelings are towards a few different things today.<br />
<br />
I think I need to put some distance between myself and everybody else.<br />
<br />
But still for now...bear with me. I don't like posting these kind of articles as well but I just want to let this out here to stabilize my feeling because I have business appointment about half an hour from now and I don't want this stupid thing to disturb me and affect my presentation.<br />
<br />
Taking a deep breath and I'm out! And also, f**k you...~in general direction.Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-70549332610394096962012-02-14T23:46:00.084+08:002012-02-15T01:13:01.442+08:00My DayI woke up this morning with a 'Happy Valentine' wish. It was simple but enough to make me feel warm and happy inside. Thank you.<br />
<br />
I tried something to make the day feel more 'celebrated' but it didn't work out well and I felt a bit disappointed but I guess it's okay since everyday is a lovey day for me. [smile.smile.]<br />
<br />
Then, I spend the night of Valentine's day this year following up with my business partner on a business that I'm currently developing and while I was on my way to meet them, it came across my mind that this is just one of the many things that I may need to sacrifice later along the journey for me to become a successful person. I'll be spending my 28th birthday this year on a business conference in KL and there goes another special day without close friends and loved one. I just hope they will understand what and why I'm doing this for myself now and still support me all the way. <br />
<br />
I stop expecting too much from anything or anyone a long time ago that if something didn't happen or not what it should be, I can deal with it much better now. I just let it go and still try my best anyway. I know this might not make any sense to any of you. A lot of other things are all in my head but I just feel the need to type it up, lest I forget that I once thought and felt this way.<br />
<br />
Till then. Don't worry. And be happy. [smile]Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-74861932829561672242012-01-27T20:55:00.000+08:002012-01-27T20:55:38.509+08:00The Art of ListeningIt takes practice. Believe me. You might think that to listen to people is an easy thing because you feel that you just need to shut up and let the other people do the talking. It's not. Listening well takes focus, patience and practice. You actually put more mental effort in listening than speaking.<br />
<br />
I confess that I sometimes tend to lose patient in listening to other people when they are talking. However, I strive consciously to push myself to listen to what other people have to say about something. Just try it for once and you'll be amaze and annoyed the next time you get the chance to communicate with someone who never listen. There and then will you only know how it feels. Because you tried it. Listen.<br />
<br />
I also agree that I'll tend to get emotional over this particular topic. It's your lucky day by the way. The Toastmaster monthly magazines that I'm reading right now have just the perfect tips for you to be a good listener and which also prompt me to do this post. I'm killing the birds with one stone.<br />
<br />
So here it goes,<br />
<br />
<b>Watch A Person's Body Language. </b>Unspoken cues can say more than words.<br />
<br />
<b>Make Eye Contact.</b> This indicates you are paying attention and decreases external distractions.<br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>Don't Interrupt.</b> Period.<br />
<br />
<b>Listen To Every.Last.Word.</b> Focus on what the speaker is saying. Planning what you will say once the speaker stops talking is not listening.<br />
<br />
<b>Pause To Process.</b> Take a moment to absorb what you just heard and formulate an appropriate response. Just like in a superior speech, pauses are a great addition to every conversation.<br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>Ask Questions.</b> Clarify information you are unsure about and show the speaker support. You will be surprised at what you can learn if you are truly listening.<br />
<br />
With that, I rest my case.Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-27761617716144308152012-01-03T16:41:00.000+08:002012-01-03T16:41:27.990+08:00Happy New Year 2012Just in case the famous prediction of 2012 is true, let me live life dangerously this year!<br />
<br />
ha ha haClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-18096180034789251952011-12-26T14:47:00.001+08:002011-12-26T14:47:58.979+08:00Under The MistletoeI'm here. Kiss me!<br />
<br />
ha ha.<br />
<br />
Merry Christmas Everyone! :-)Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-61108998024443556482011-12-15T23:14:00.000+08:002011-12-15T23:14:03.940+08:00Up Where I BelongI meant home.<br />
<br />
I have been feeling like this every year. Excited for a holiday to Sabah. Sometimes it turns out great, sometimes just okay. Still, I never failed to anticipate this 'going back home' time of the year.<br />
<br />
As usual I have a few things planned for my family and myself. To spend as much time as possible with them within two weeks of my leave.<br />
<br />
I want everything to happen as per plan and I want everyone to be happy. That's all I ask. Not more. Not too much.Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-15442474672105053862011-11-28T13:01:00.002+08:002011-11-28T13:02:16.208+08:00End of NovIt's almost end of November....berhabuk suda ni blog lama sda nda kena update...tsk tsk tsk<br />
<br />
About 3 more weeks and I'll be going back to Sabah...yay!<br />
<br />
Company dinner is done..all the singing is done....<br />
<br />
Penang Bridge Marathon is also done...proud of myself! finisher medal!<br />
<br />
next.......heheClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-5530773891241011462011-10-18T21:27:00.000+08:002011-10-18T21:27:24.210+08:00Veil of HappinessThe secret to happiness<br />
Sights & Sounds<br />
Xandria Ooi<br />
<br />
It cannot be derived from pleasures alone.<br />
<br />
MY brother-in-law, Yu Jin, once remarked to me: “Your face changes when you eat ice-cream. It literally lights up.” One of my favourite things in the world is ice-cream, and I’ve always said that ice-cream makes me extremely happy. Yet, when I think about it, I wonder if consuming ice-cream makes me happy, or if it simply gives me pleasure. There is an important distinction between the two, however similar they may be.<br />
<br />
Experiencing pleasure is one of the most exhilarating feelings in the world. Our hearts may beat a little faster; our energy levels surge and we may even smile or laugh a little more than usual. The problem with feelings of pleasure is that it is so closely linked to our emotions that it cannot possibly last. Phrases like “moments of pleasure” or “a rush of pleasure” are often used for a reason — pleasure graces us with its presence but it also leaves without saying goodbye.<br />
<br />
The question to ask is, when the euphoria is gone, do you feel happy, or empty? I now acknowledge that having ice-cream does not give me happiness, it simply gives me pleasure. Simply as it may seem, that is an important realisation. I would feel very good as I consume a pint of ice-cream, but after the pint is gone, I would feel guilty. What’s worse, I would feel fat. Is that happiness? Of course not. This does not mean that I would write-off eating ice-cream. Nothing is wrong with experiencing pleasure, but indulging too much would mean that the moment’s pleasure could turn into long-term unhappiness.<br />
<br />
This applies across the board to so many things in our lives. If we are always dependent on external factors to give us joy, it only makes sense that we would be unhappy, sad or depress if we are without them. Sometimes, the pleasure we experience brings no regret or sadness, but it does create a void that needs to be constantly filled.<br />
<br />
For example, when we purchase an expensive or coveted item, we would feel on top of the world as we leave the store and take it home. After a few weeks, this highly-prized item would no longer be perceived as special. If it was a vase, you would have gotten used to seeing it sitting in your dining room. If it was a car, you’d have gotten used to driving it. One of my friends has a beautiful black Hermès Birkin bag, and she said something that made me think. After I buy something, it’d just become one of my many things. I’d leave my bag on the floor, or chuck it somewhere in the house. It’s expensive, but it becomes normal after I’ve had it for a while.”<br />
<br />
That applies to people as well. If you’re marrying someone just because they’re physically beautiful, you’ll soon fail to see the beauty that had once captivated you so. Attaining material things or having sex with different people give us great pleasure, but it leads us down a path of always seeking the next rush of pleasure. Feeling desirable leads to a false sense of self-worth, which is why it convinces those with insecurities that flattery, praises and sexual conquests can compensate for feelings of inadequacy.<br />
<br />
The problem is that pleasure is so temporary that the feeling of increased self-worth fades as quickly as it began, after which we are back at square one. We don’t often stop and think about what our ultimate goal in life is — we think long and hard about our dreams and ambitions, or where we’d like to travel to, what we’d like to eat and how much money we’d like to make; but what does having all that lead us? We hope that it will lead us to happiness. Let’s think about this for a moment. Sometimes, in the pursuit of happiness, we get derailed and forget that we are pursuing happiness, and not simply pleasure. When we confirm a holiday, we are happy. When we at the airport, we are very happy. When we find out that the flight has been delayed, we are extremely unhappy. When we arrive in Paris, we are happy. When our hotel room has no towels, we are unhappy. Did our holiday make us happy, or unhappy?<br />
<br />
What I find most difficult in life is to be constantly happy. <b>Happiness is a state of mind that is at peace and free from anger or desires; yet as human beings, we are so reliant on situations, circumstances and people to be happy.</b> In his book, <i>Message from the Masters</i>, Brian Weiss M.D. said, “Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. <b>You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone else</b>.”<br />
<br />
So much of our worry, stress, fear and heartaches are because we allow people to affect how we feel. If you have a boss and he was nasty to you, you’d feel anger and depressed. If you have a boyfriend who broke up with you, you’d feel worthless and dispensable. <b>Ending a relationship with someone because they “don’t make us happy” sounds absurd when you think about it. We are not responsible for the happiness of another, and even if we were, we do not have the power to ensure another human being’s happiness. What we able to do in a relationship is to fully utilise the tools that lead to happiness – pleasure, appreciation, understanding and love.</b> In doing that, a couple is able to find happiness together. Pleasure is only one of the many subsets of happiness, and happiness cannot be derived from pleasures alone.<br />
<br />
Happiness is within our own control, and we can determine whether to allow the simple pleasures in life to lead us to happiness. Think about it. If we are always dependent upon the big pleasures in life to make us happy — when we are given a pay rise or promotion, when we are given a big diamond ring or when we strike the lottery – then we can only ever be happy a few times in our lives. Simple pleasures are usually just the sun, a roof over our head, a friendly smile or a loving family, but it is hard for us to appreciate the value of simple pleasures until we lose them all; such is human nature. Yet, not all of us are of this mindset. There are people who have found the secret to their own happiness. How else can someone who is ill, be happy? How can someone who is handicapped and can’t move at all, be happy? How can someone who seems to have very little be happy, yet someone who has it all – health, family, love and support – be unhappy? What I do know is that <b>our toolbox of happiness consists of kindness, compassion, appreciation and love, and these are tools that are free and available to anyone who wants them. </b><br />
<br />
<b>Ego, pride and selfishness simply do not exist in the toolbox of happiness.</b> Such a shame if we would think otherwise.Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-10079639471556400562011-10-13T20:35:00.000+08:002011-10-13T20:35:27.433+08:00Veni Vidi ViciSteve Jobs died a few days ago and he's famous for living a life in the moment. I love this one story where he went on a first date with his wife.<br />
<br />
<i>For all of his single-minded dedication to the company he built from the ground up, Jobs actually skipped a meeting to take Laurene on their first date: "I was in the parking lot with the key in the car, and I thought to myself, 'If this is my last night on earth, would I rather spend it at a business meeting or with this woman?' I ran across the parking lot, asked her if she'd have dinner with me. She said yes, we walked into town and we've been together ever since." - Yahoo News</i><br />
<br />
That to me is a perfect example of how I want to do things in life. But let's face it, we are not Steve Jobs or Bill Gates or J.K Rowling, who can wake up in the morning and decide they want to go to Honolulu just to get an inspiration. I might not be able to treat every single day like that. To think about what I would rather be doing at the very moment and just do it - to simply walk away and leave the 9 to 5 job and do all other things that I love instead but I want to try every once in a while.<br />
<br />
For instance, let's give that idea a chance in a year. See how many times you can do things differently, to follow your heart and be spontaneous in a year. That is quite reasonable to me, yes?<br />
<br />
I used to have 10 or 20 things for my yearly resolution back then but since about two years ago I have made a habit to only do two things every year. To go some place I have never been before and to do something I have never done before. Easy peasy. <br />
<br />
You are probably thinking now of places you have always wanted to visit. Now, to start small and keep the momentum going, you don't have to think of places too far away and one that can burn a hole in your pocket. Some place local will do for a start. I'm sure there are many other area in this country you have never been before.<br />
<br />
I went to Kelantan early this year for the first time. I decided to attend my best friend's wedding and have a look at how this part of Malaysia is like. It was a pleasant trip. If I didn't personally go there, I would never have known just how unique that place is. For example, do you know that all the shops in Kelantan have a signage written in Arabic alphabet? Even the Chinese coffee shop. And the Chinese there speak fluent Kelantanese dialect. You might have heard about it but to listen to it in person is just interesting.<br />
<br />
Now how about that doing something you have never done before. It is as fun as going to a new place for the first time. Like when I first decided to join my friends to go fishing. And bought my first fishing rod. And catch my first fish. It was all very exciting and now I know how it is like to feel that first tug at your bait and get a first glimpse of the mysterious fish who play tug of war with you. It was not that boring as I thought it would. Sometimes the waiting part can be a bit exasperating but at the end of it all, it really feels good to count how many fish you have been able to catch. This can also be another way for you to be creative at spending your time with your friends. This is something different from what I normally do every day or every other weekend.<br />
<br />
We have about two and a half month left before the year end.So let's make the rest of the days before that to be meaningful and something that you can think back and say 'I did it!'. Start with just two easy mission which is to go to a place you have never been before, any place at all...new coffee shop, new hiking area...etc...and to do something you have never done before. To sign up for monthly charity donation for the Kidney Institution or to join a dancing class or vocal class..anything...<br />
<br />
Have fun and most of all...remember that you are doing this for yourself. Veni Vidi Vici <i>(teda kaitan juga..saja..haha)</i>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-68349124525196140122011-09-21T10:18:00.000+08:002011-09-21T10:18:09.845+08:00Own Pick!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0_JVJxVJvoaZbucNKLKbO_BGG7LpjMLyDcoMrLb13-q4a4sC_ZHDq6fWUWv1v29uPiLKjZMVRD4Hg3TPkMC8azrpHsxY-e-fVdQW5sHe41Km6Jv6qL83qgKjXb8BQZoCJP-Nmt5n10cSM/s1600/Pickmaster-Plectrum-Punch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0_JVJxVJvoaZbucNKLKbO_BGG7LpjMLyDcoMrLb13-q4a4sC_ZHDq6fWUWv1v29uPiLKjZMVRD4Hg3TPkMC8azrpHsxY-e-fVdQW5sHe41Km6Jv6qL83qgKjXb8BQZoCJP-Nmt5n10cSM/s320/Pickmaster-Plectrum-Punch.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">I want this! So I can punch my own guitar picks with my name on it even! ho ho ho</div>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-31084874350539790072011-09-20T14:29:00.000+08:002011-09-20T14:29:39.953+08:00One and OnlyYou've been on my mind<br />
I grow fonder every day,<br />
Lose myself in time<br />
Just thinking of your face<br />
God only knows<br />
Why it's taking me so long<br />
To let my doubts go<br />
You're the only one that I want<br />
<br />
I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before<br />
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,<br />
You never know if you never try<br />
To forgive your past and simply be mine<br />
<br />
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only<br />
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms<br />
So come on and give me the chance<br />
To prove that I'm the one who can<br />
Walk that mile until the end starts<br />
<br />
I've been on your mind<br />
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time<br />
At the mention of my name,<br />
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?<br />
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go<br />
<br />
I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before<br />
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,<br />
You never know if you never tried<br />
To forgive your past and simply be mine<br />
<br />
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only<br />
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms<br />
So come on and give me the chance<br />
To prove that I'm the one who can<br />
Walk that mile until the end starts<br />
<br />
I know it ain't easy<br />
Giving up your heart<br />
I know it ain't easy<br />
Giving up your heart<br />
<br />
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)<br />
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart<br />
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)<br />
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart<br />
<br />
I know it ain't easy<br />
Giving up your heart<br />
<br />
So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only<br />
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms<br />
So come on and give me the chance<br />
To prove I'm the one who can<br />
Walk that mile until the end starts<br />
Come on and give me a chance<br />
To prove that I'm the one who can<br />
Walk that mile until the end starts.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Adele told The Sun "That one's just about someone I've known for years who I've always loved and I think he's always loved me but we're too scared to be with each other in case that's it."</i>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-55432452457417521782011-09-15T23:34:00.088+08:002011-09-16T02:18:57.546+08:00Once......when I was younger, I'm such a bookworm that I even read newspapers like an old man. Mostly I'll flips through all the pages first even when I saw some articles that I find interesting because I knew that once I started to read it, it will take me ages to finish since I have the habit of really reading from start to finish never missing one word and that's not going to help me get over the next page.<br />
<br />
It has been a few days since I have been discharge from the hospital and I have been taking all those well wishes seriously. The resting part. Like really really resting. I woke up early now though for breakfast, because I need to time the medicine-eating right. Then after that I will either be dragging my body to bed and lie down or continue sleeping until lunch or I'll do some mild surfing on the internet and sometimes watch movies - everything done from the bed.<br />
<br />
I tried cooking for dinner yesterday and half way through eating, I feel dizzy (<i>pening-pening lalat</i>). I knew then that I have been resting too much and my body is weak. So today I drag myself out of the house and go for my schedule hair treatment at the shop nearby. At least it's nothing heavy, just sitting and I bring a book to read. So while in the midst of it all, I saw a newspaper and decided to look through the articles.<br />
<br />
Interestingly, The Star newspaper is currently putting spaces here and there where it will put all those old archive news or what used to be in the newspaper all those years before. Some kind of trudging down memory lane I guess. Imagine my delight when I saw a few of my old time favorite sections being published in a newspaper again.<br />
<br />
The section that caught my attention the most was the <b>Pen Pal</b> section. I remember looking through that list when I was a young teenager and skimming through all the names, ages, location and the best one is the hobbies. I would usually pick someone who's really from far away or some boys name whom I thought might be cute judging from the name. Ha ha ha<br />
<br />
I had fun looking at it again which from the looks of it were scanned and printed to that page and I really wanted to take pictures but then the phone's camera was being difficult so I end up with no pictures. Sad. :(<br />
<b><br />
</b>Then I came across the <b>Comics.</b> Oh I really love them back then. I remember having a scrap book and I would cut those that I like most and paste it on the book. I think I did that back when I did not really understand English that much. But then again, most of the comics were pictures and less words so I think I was giving it my own interpretation and picked those that I thought were funny. And the pictures were cute too. I wonder where's the book now. We move houses way too much when I was a kid I think there's not much left of any old remembrance at home now.<br />
<br />
And of course one more section which hold dear to my heart was the<b> Crossword. </b>If I'm not mistaken, it was the Borneo Post Crossword that have this A to Z series of crossword that you have to finish to win the money. One alphabet will have a few crosswords to it I think. Like A1, A2...up until I can't remember actually. I tried a lot of times but then imagine how hard it is to get one crossword right. This one you need to get all 10 or 20 of them correct. Thinking back, I'm actually amaze with my passion and of course patient with that contest. It was a very nice memory indeed.<br />
<br />
Only those of you who were a kid as exciting as I was during those time can relate to this. Or not. No matter. He he he<br />
<br />
By the way I watch the movie Once yesterday and Wel said all my movies were <i>ganjil-ganjil</i>. I was like...wtf...ha ha ha..kidding! I have just finish watching Jane Eyre before finishing this post and I enjoyed it very much. Honestly, that one is not weird, yes? Oh well, like I care. LOL<br />
<br />
Good night everyone. :-)<br />
<b><br />
</b>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-90999998866031899162011-09-10T08:03:00.002+08:002011-09-10T11:54:24.202+08:00Oh The Pain!I'm writing this post in a hospital bed with the hospital wristband in my left hand and the drip infusion needle at the right.<br />
<br />
The pain is lesser now after the medication and I'm hoping to be discharge this morning. I couldn't really understand what the doctor was saying when he did the diagnosis so I looked at my medicines and google up the names. Typical me. He he he<br />
<br />
So I figure out this much at least. According to Google, I have this <i>Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD)</i> in which the stomach contents (food or liquid) leak backwards from the stomach into the esophagus and cause heartburn and all those pain that I have been having for the past few days.<br />
<br />
This is my first time admitted to the hospital, infused with glucose drip and undergo the <i>Esophagogastroduodenoscopy</i> (why do they have to make the term so long and non-pronounceable to mere mortal like me I could never understand) which includes inserting a thin tube with a camera on the end through the mouth and the tube is then passed into the esophagus, stomach, and small intestine, snapping pictures of how my internal organs are doing in there.<br />
<br />
While I was being pushed down the corridor to the ground floor for the scope (that's what the nurses call it), my eyes stared pass the neon lights in the ceilings and on both my sides were the staff and nurse keep telling that it was a simple procedure-that I'm not going to feel anything etc...I almost feel like I was in one of those movie...he he he.<br />
<br />
Being sick is of course not a pleasant experience and I hope this is going to be my last visit to the hospital. The doctor and nurses are very nice people but I just can't stand the pain and the fasting and the needle and the lying around all day. Plus I don't want to make Mom and Nanak worried. Nanak called me and almost cried when I told her that I was in a hospital. Bless her for keep sending me text messages saying that she miss me. :)<br />
<br />
Now is waiting for Wel to visit me and the doctor to say I'm free to go. HeheClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-67121946020957533972011-09-07T13:19:00.000+08:002011-09-07T13:19:33.986+08:00On Staying Hungry & FoolishI am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.<br />
<br />
The first story is about connecting the dots.<br />
<br />
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?<br />
<br />
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.<br />
<br />
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.<br />
<br />
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:<br />
<br />
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.<br />
<br />
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.<br />
<br />
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.<br />
<br />
My second story is about love and loss.<br />
<br />
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.<br />
<br />
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.<br />
<br />
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.<br />
<br />
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, <i>Toy Story</i>, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.<br />
<br />
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.<br />
<br />
My third story is about death.<br />
<br />
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.<br />
<br />
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.<br />
<br />
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.<br />
<br />
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.<br />
<br />
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:<br />
<br />
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.<br />
<br />
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.<br />
<br />
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called <i>The Whole Earth Catalog</i>, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.<br />
<br />
Stewart and his team put out several issues of <i>The Whole Earth Catalog</i>, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.<br />
<br />
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.<br />
<br />
Thank you all very much.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Stanford Report, June 14, 2005 <br />
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says.<br />
This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.</i>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-35330536521741406312011-09-02T22:04:00.005+08:002011-09-03T00:57:20.309+08:00Of Fire & A PotMy hand is still shaking. My heart still beating fast even after an hour. Everything is alright, I know. No real damage done but the thought of what could happen still scares me.<br />
<br />
Now I can cross the last item on my to-do lists during holiday because this is the first time I almost burn down a house. It was my mistake. I know. Things happen right. I'm sorry. I don't know why but I just feel the need to apologize for my carelessness. Isk.<br />
<br />
I heated up the oil in the pot and while waiting, I went over the living room and flip through a few channels. It was the pretty white gown and black dresses shown in E! that got me carried away. By the time I remember that I have put a pot full with oil on the stove and run to the kitchen, the pot was already burning up and the fire is as high as you can ever imagine. Luckily despite being scared and almost panicking not knowing what to do I didn't splash water on the burning pot over the stove or else I wouldn't have been able to handle what might happen if the whole thing catches fire and explode.<br />
<br />
I took a cloth for the handle and bring the burning pot over to the sink and let the water put out all the fire. I'm not sure if there's other way to do it but pouring water into a burning oily pot only make the fire goes bigger. It didn't occur to me at that time. All I can think of is I don't want to burn the house down. It was really big, the fire. It almost reach the kitchen's ceiling. I can only stare at it in panic and luckily after what feels like forever, the fire died away leaving only thick black smoke behind to permanently mark the incident. It was all over the wall and the ceiling.<br />
<br />
I called Wel and Jew after that. Crying. I don't want to but I can't help it. Jew said it's okay as long as I'm alright and to not think too much about the kitchen but I feel guilty because now the kitchen look bad and blacky.<br />
<br />
I have clean up the mess. It took me quite some time to get started because I dreaded the look of the sink and the stove and worried if I might touch something and there will be fire again. I gave out a sigh of relief after I finish with the cleaning and saw that I was just shocked over what had happen but overall, everything was still intact. Although I can't do anything about the wall or the ceiling or at a few stuff that are now smoky in color. Or the pot. The helpless pot.<br />
<br />
:( :( :(Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-72279646409800078862011-08-24T21:14:00.002+08:002011-09-03T01:02:52.236+08:00LimitlessHoliday is only two days away. The list of things that I can or might do is endless. Or is it really?<br />
<br />
Let see.<br />
<br />
1. Go to Borders everyday and <strike>read books.</strike><br />
<strike>2. Watch movies.</strike><br />
3. Travel somewhere unplanned and unexpected.<br />
<strike>4. Sleep.</strike><br />
<strike>5. Blog.</strike><br />
6. Write a short story.<br />
7. Singing practice.<br />
8. Guitar practice.<br />
9. Speech practice.<br />
10. Intensive exercise.<br />
<strike>11. Do something I have never done before. </strike><br />
<br />
<br />
I guess that should be enough for eight days holiday, yes? Or any of you have other brilliant idea? I'm open for suggestion. :-)<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>As of 3rd Sept: Strikeout items are those I have done or those that had happen.</i>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-89849177686135357822011-08-24T17:47:00.002+08:002011-08-24T23:01:32.888+08:00Living With The BoysOne thing for sure, we are not biologically related. Rrrr...hahaha kidding.<br />
<br />
I was raised by a single mother. I don't have any older or younger brothers growing up. Just me, my sister and of course my mother. Boys and men were a foreign terms to me. I think that could be the reason why I tend to gravitate more towards these particular gender rather than my own my whole life. I'm curious.<br />
<br />
When I was a kid, my mother used to tell me that if she wanted to look for me every time after I've been gone for so long playing Police and Thieves or Hide and Seek, she would usually look at where the boys are playing and not the other way around. It has been more or less the same up until now.<br />
<br />
I graduated in 2007 and after that all my best girlfriends have either get married or scattered around the universe working in all sort of jobs you can imagine. Then of course my line of work has not been helping at all for me to keep my feminine side intact. I work in a mechanical area where I sometimes find myself the only girl in the room during meetings or lunches or breakfast. I am not saying that I have a problem with that. I don't, really. I was a bit of a tomboy growing up anyway.<br />
<br />
So let me tell you how it was for me for the past few years.<br />
<br />
First and foremost, boys, they are a very straight forward creature. Sometimes I think that if they learn to lie more, this world would be a better place to live. I remember asking my friend John (not a real name) on one of the tricky question we girls have for guys. I said this,<br />
<br />
"I think I'm gaining weight."<br />
<br />
It was more like a statement though. Of course I knew I was gaining weight but well we girls just need some reassurance. I was complaining that I was eating more and more everyday and it worries me. His response to that was,<br />
<br />
'Oh yeah, no wonder I've been thinking that you are getting bigger every day too. Especially at this area.'<br />
<br />
He was pointing at my tummy at this point. See? It's very different with us girls. We'll never say that to one another. At least not directly. <br />
<br />
Secondly, you'll get a new amusing nick names. For my own sake and of course them, I have learn not to take it seriously and I'm still trying. Remember the 'gaining weight' topic? My friends have some very funny names for me for that. It seems like for guys, they have a strange notion of showing affection. Us girls, we'll hold hands or whisper to each others ears, gossiping, helping one another plucking eyebrows and having a sleepover talking through the night. We are quite physical.<br />
<br />
With men, they don't go around holding each others hand. They hug only when necessary. We girls do it anytime we feel like it. So I guess this is their way of showing they love you. By calling you names. Affectionate names. Like '<i>Perempuan Gemuk'</i> or whatever...you get the idea. <br />
<br />
Last but not least, if you really have a close male buddies, you should know this. You'll tend to have the same hobby sooner or later. Gone were the days where I spent many times shopping and window shopping and also heart to heart sharing.<br />
<br />
Now it's more like hiking in the jungle whenever we feel like bloated after too much eating or too much drinking. We have also make it a habit to go camping and fishing four or five times a year. If we are not doing all that, we'll be playing badminton every Saturday for two hours, jog for a few kilometers everyday or just drink and drink again. Omg.<br />
<br />
So, here it goes. You will have to either bear with the name callings and the never-get-a-compliment-directly or keep your distance. I did warn you. Ha ha ha Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-86602183960298454222011-08-17T01:26:00.003+08:002011-08-24T17:48:41.501+08:00Life Over HereI've been telling myself to try to sleep early every night as I have not been getting enough sleep for the last few days due to many things that I need to get prepared and at the same time just having trouble falling asleep.<br />
<br />
And you know what, right here right now...I miss my girlfriends. It's very different having guys around you most of the time. At the office, the office's cafe during breakfast and lunch, at home, on the road or on social network...at the malls..even at the parking lot...everywhere..I'm starting to see more guys than girls these days...and sometimes I think I need a break.<br />
<br />
I miss having a good talk with a girl. Being affectionate with each other. Holding hands. Go shopping the way we girls do. Gossiping merrily...and just all those sort of things girls do.<br />
<br />
I don't have a problem with all the guys around me now. Don't get me wrong. I love my best boyfriends here from the bottom of my heart. And I like my colleagues at work. They are okay. It just....I don't know. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I guess I just have been missing some natural part of being a girl I guess. I don't know....<br />
<br />
p/s I drafted this post a few weeks back..the feeling have subsided a bit but seeing that I don't really have a post during August..I just decided to publish it anyway. HeheheClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-40908938458026593022011-08-01T16:28:00.007+08:002011-08-24T17:49:29.648+08:00Laughter Is The Best MedicineI can speak funnily. At least I think I do. Best when I'm speaking Sabahan's dialect and not when I'm talking in Dusun or in English (Manglish maybe a bit better) but I'm struggling with it when it comes to writing funnily. Your reader can't hear the actual tone of your voice that you are using and if you are not careful with your punctuation marks, somebody is going to get pissed off.<br />
<br />
So tell me...how do I write humorously? I'm struggling with that. Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-62068370496574387562011-07-18T13:38:00.000+08:002011-07-18T13:38:37.938+08:00It's Finally Over<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYz_eoBuUlijOnrl4XFleHLQunbrGNHNUPY80rObzmtZOFK2mEoeAEqP1SDoQ13MaOI7cvyLihZRdxihGSiCCCK5QcaRXAGEVD8d9ew6QKH0K_0-xDs9eVG-i_KGs8loVQEzZd0p02RuUS/s1600/Harry+Potter+and+the+Deathly+Hallows+Part+I+movie+stills-23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYz_eoBuUlijOnrl4XFleHLQunbrGNHNUPY80rObzmtZOFK2mEoeAEqP1SDoQ13MaOI7cvyLihZRdxihGSiCCCK5QcaRXAGEVD8d9ew6QKH0K_0-xDs9eVG-i_KGs8loVQEzZd0p02RuUS/s320/Harry+Potter+and+the+Deathly+Hallows+Part+I+movie+stills-23.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Thank You J.K Rowling and also all those who involved in the film - actors, directors, crews..etc.. It was a great journey both in the books and also the movies. I have immensely enjoy everything and for sure going to miss it! Tsk tsk tskClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1677529711549364323.post-54240881442393679512011-07-13T16:59:00.000+08:002011-07-13T16:59:52.102+08:00Inspiring"Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." – J. K. Rowling, Harvard commencement address, 2008<br />
<br />
<i>p/s getting ready and getting excited for the final part of Harry Potter movie... </i>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15947535742149822576noreply@blogger.com2