Untitled.

I don't really feel so good today.

The day started quite okay but somehow it changed and now I just feel...low.

I'm quite a sport about many things and rarely ever want to lose my head over something. If I can just rationalize things a little patiently, I'll be as happy as a clam in no time. Even though one of my close friends once said that I am probably the most sensitive girl in the world, no one actually really saw it through me because I don't often get worked up over something that did not matter much to me. Most of the time, I am just a happy mind-my-own-business type of person.

But then, everyone have their own moody time. Even me. Especially me. I just know how to hide the emotion better than most people.

With things going on in my mind, suddenly I feel small and stupid. About actions that I have made previously. The way I thought so much about petty things and so on. Plus, there's a major self esteem issues going on with me at this very moment. I don't really feel pretty. And for the first time, there's a few things that I started to hate about myself.

Every once in a while, people would tell me that I'm starting to look fat or that my ass is a bit small or they think there's something wrong with the way I walk, but I never actually really care much about other people's opinion when it comes to looks and physical attributes. So it's all fine. But not today. Right now, if someone says that they think I look tired today, I'll take it that they mean I look like an ugly ghost and that I should have think twice before deciding to open the door and go to work this morning to save everyone from having to torture their eyes with the very sight of me. That thought alone actually pisses me off right now. Shit.
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Sigh.

I know perfectly well that no matter what I do, how I dress, how I act, what I say, or what my opinions are, people would only choose to think what suited them the most. Some guys, for example, will look at me and wonder why their friends think that I'm attractive. Others will think I look more like an alien from another planet than as an actual human being. So I might as well just be myself, and gravitate towards those who really accept me just the way I am. You'll be surprise how judgmental anyone can be these days. Even families or close friends.

It's kind of embarrassing to feel this way. I always thought that no one will ever get under my skin with matters as trivial as this. Sigh. I guess today is the day that it happen.