Letting go...really?

I'm not a very good person. Honestly. So why in the world would I thought of all these demands? That I deserve much more than this. That I don't have to let myself go through all this. That I can choose other ways to be happy.

This was all I can think of most of the time. Everyday. Every single waking hour since I got myself into this... Sometimes I wonder why do I let myself to be hurt when I can choose not to.

Anyone have any idea how hard this is for me? No. How crazy it is to keep things to yourself and always feel second best?Again, no.

I have try reasoning with myself, trying to tell myself that it's okay not to be treated the way I wish I am. That if I just try my best, put my heart into it and make all the effort I can think of...whatever happen after this, at least I tried. But when it is time to really harden my heart and think of what's best for me...it's really hard too. It's hard to imagine life without...

All I ever want...is to be fully loved just the way I am. I don't want somebody who need to try to like me. Why try? It only means one thing, they don't really like you. Let go.

I thought that I'm never going to be good enough...but I never try asking myself up until now that maybe it's the other way around?