There's a lot of common foundation in a relationship that we always have to look into so that we can be certain of a positive growth with our partner but right now i can only comes up with these two things. Just my two cents on Friday evening.
Acceptance & Forgiveness
It's not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry'. Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here'. Not 'how could you', but 'i understand'. Not 'i wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are'.
In any relationship, you should always keep in mind to balance whatever things going on between you and your partner.
If your other half did something bad and genuinely says that he/she's sorry after that. Forgive him/her. Everyone make mistakes. At that time, it may be his/her wrong judgment, but be sure that you'll have your turn too in the future. Nobody's perfect. A fight or any mistake should be deal with mutual understanding on both party. It's funny how we can say that friendship or job's mistake can makes us stronger and good but when it comes to love, it's merely the other person's fault and that you were hurt.
There are times when even if you think that your partner maybe the sole cause of a fight or a mistake, be with him/her and bear the blame together. Help to ease the guilt they are feeling inside. In one way or another, i always believe that it's never a one person mistakes but it happens because both of you are allowing it to. Take your share on the problem. Pointing fingers should never be done and the last thing you want is to take revenge and in returns makes your partner feels just how much it hurt you or just how bad he/she was. Trust me, he/she will feel resentment towards you in future.
Sharing & Understanding
We decide to be in a relationship because we want someone other than ourselves. We were alone before that so basically we did all the things alone. We are capable of doing that.
So when it comes to an opinion, he/she should not be telling you that you have to get up on your ass and deal with everything on your own. To be in control or something more classic - to get hold of your own happiness. To be in a relationship is to share. To rely on each other shoulder if things get tough. If all you can tell your partner is go and be independent, then why in the hell did you agree to be with her/him in the relationship at the first place? I don't mean that you have to be totally dependent on your partner because that's a big no for me but at least when the problem is beyond him/her control physically or emotionally, you should be there. And when she/he actually comes up and meekly say that she/he doesn't know what to do, the last thing you should ever say is to ask back - what do we do now? If she/he knows that, she/he would not be asking you at the first place. If you don't know what to say, make up of something good to say..or just listen and hug him/her to let them know that everything will be alright. Even if it's not.
I'm not an expert but i was just sharing what i think are the right thing at least for me to do in every similar situation. Talk is cheap i know, but at least you try. Sometimes silence is even more damaging than saying it out loud. It's all a matter of a good timing.
As for my own relationship now... :) i'll keep that private but if you need to know, then i'll tell you this, i'm perfectly happy and that every difficulties are just a test of what we learn from each other and to see if we really understand it. It's just like learning things in school really. The relationship is the school. And those two person in it are both the teacher and the student taking turns... it's a give and take.
That's all i can think of right now... I'll jot in a more complete ending and substance when i have proper ideas in my head. So for now, that's it. [he he he]
4 comments:
Hello Claire, spot on. Nice posting.
I have always believed in any relationship, be it just a romantic interlude, an affair or marriage, it is...
listening + communication = understanding.
And a give and take attitude and mentality.
Sometimes the problem lies with both parties wanting to be right or heard.
It should be like in a court case....defence and prosecuting.
But then, I guess life is like that. Not everyone likes red colour, nor a Honda. Some prefer durians, some can't stand it.
If we understand and accept that, no probelmos.
My previous posting did touch abit on this topic of yours.
You have a pleasant week,Claire. Have fun, Lee.
Hi Uncle Lee, yep. When we think about our partner's weaknesses, we should also in return think that we ourselves is also not so perfect and that if he/she can look beyond that, then why can't we, right?
:) You have a blessed day too Uncle Lee.
hehe no wonder la when i was alone i was certain that i could complete almost every single task given, try my hardest to get it completed but when with partner, rasa macam semua benda pun nak our partner yg buatkan..bukan takleh buat sendiri tapi saja nak bermanja2 haha..after all that is what the partners are for right? hehe ;)
Muahahaha.ko memang axxa..budak manja! hihihi..tapi sama ja kita ni..aku pun camtu gak. :D the feeling is nice to have someone do something about things we always did alone for a change. ;)
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