Love Is In The Air

I think i'm in love. or infatuation. whatever you call it. maybe it's mutual.....or not. i don't care.

I realize about it deep inside my heart for quite some time already, i just try not to bother about it so much because i know i'll get over it or he'll be off my mind in no time...why? because there's really nothing i can do to make me & Mr Charming together. The option is unthinkable & impossible. And he doesn't even have the same feeling towards me anyway. So, i thought forgetting him would be easy enough.

How wrong i was.

My mind would often wander back at the first time we made eye contact on that particular night. It was quite hard to describe. I heard someone coming from the gate & i tilted my head to look..and found myself face to face with him & for a fraction of second, i saw something flickered in his eyes. Maybe it's just an expression people had over familiarity but i like to think of it as because he felt the chemistry too.

Then he asked me out a few days after that.
I got in the car, he kissed me on the cheek & told me i looked great. That...should be the perfect first date for me. ;) He was & still is the perfect gentleman. He never let me out of sight throughout the night & hold me every now & then just to show that he's there. ;)

"Where have you been? I've been looking for you." said Mr Charming
"Owh..i just need to go to the washroom..." I feebly answered.
"You should have told me & i can walk you there."

I simply stare at him. It actually felt so surreal at that time. No one ever made me felt quite like that before. Well, a perfect gentleman is known to be a rare breed. It's just that there's no pretentious there & it was as if that's how he's always been. His own self that is cool, romantic (in a good way of course) & funny. Plus, he's a very good dancer. We just.....click.

Tell me...How can someone look that good, that charming and not showing typical pretentious at the same time? Owh..i have my fair share of being in & out of relationship...so i'll know right away if the guy is a fake or simply not my type.

Why why & why do i always ended up liking someone who does not feel the way i do...or someone who's not available. Maybe it's true that all the good guys are pretty much taken.

And i'll be seeing him again soon. I know i should stop this while i can. and of course somehow...sooner or later..it really has to stop [isk..] Even right from the start, the relationship spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e. I'll get hurt in the end. But as always, i guess it's worth it for the time being. ;) It's not like i have anything better to do anyway. and as a single most available lady..i can do pretty much anything i wanted to. and also i'm not asking anything from him anyway. just a comfortable & nice company will do. ok...good excuse. clever me. plus it's about time i start seeing someone. or maybe not...not like this..owh God..i'm doomed.


p/s I had a mental argument about posting this entry...but there's a very good chance of me exploding over a build up of uncertainty & confusion.