Monday, August 11, 2008

I'm Not Okay...

Don't cry.
I can still do this. You just can't break now.

I hear voices in my head trying to keep me strong.
Come on. This is easy. There's no reason why i have to give up now.
I need to go somewhere. Tears are starting to fill my eyes & i can't just be seen weak here.
Toilet. Yes. That's where i go. That's the place everyone goes into for whatever reason they have in mind.

I locked myself up in one of those cubicle & try to breath calmly.
1..2..3..ok. i'm ok. or am i?

I don't really know why I'm being like this today. Well it do happen once in a while. But then, i suppose to know how to handle it.

The weight of responsibilities, dealing with personal matter (some people just add misery in your life), responsibility...responsible... ya, it's all about that actually. My heart feel heavy with unsettle thoughts...so many stuff i can't really say...

I wish i only have to think of myself & get done with whatever it is i wanted in life.
Ok. i know i shouldn't have said that.

Or maybe i wish some people should just leave me alone. Why can't they understand that i've had enough in my mind without them trying to make their way in & push me to tolerate! Everyone have their limit. Maybe people wanted me to be cruel. Ok. I never show that side of me. Maybe i should. Just because i don't know how to be angry or mad or yell at anyone...that doesn't mean i can't be one. Just because i choose silence in a fight & cry when i'm angry... That doesn't mean i can forever pretend that i don't know how to be that spoiled-rotten-bitch everyone would wish they never set eyes on.

Ok. Maybe i 'm not sure how to be one.
I'm in desperate need of a divine intervention.

Or maybe all i need is to make a joke. and then i'll laugh n everything would be just fine. :)
Ya..that's all i need to do.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

rules of the nature...think something positive of that something you would like to have...not something negative of that something you can't have..

set your mind to stop rambling and set your mind to start to think about yourself more than than keeping up with the responsibility...you deserve a great treat yourself..

Anonymous said...

How i wish it's as easy as that...:) but thanks~ i'm all okay already...just need a few fav songs to make me think straight agn..or maybe i'm getting good in ignorance..like they said..ignorance is bliss..but it do help sometimes..it just happen to be those times when you suddenly felt u can't take it anymore n wish to dump all the burden to someone else..but i'm okay for now..next time i feel like this agn..i'll keep ur advice in mind.. :)gosh..just typing this pun mcm mau nangis ja ni..buduh2...napa la mesti mo gni sensitif ni..sigh~

Anonymous said...

kesian....muaahhahaha

Anonymous said...

haha..si jerry...jauh gila ko merantau jerry..haha....kesian bia dia ni..mau minum beer ba tu..haha..

Anonymous said...

haha..kamu kesian sy ka ni? hehe..ya la..mmg kesian ba sy ni..mo kena bg beer jg la btl2..wel..dis weekend kn tu beer sy...hehe jaga aa~!

Anonymous said...

nah Wel...ko yg janji beer suda tu...kalau sa janji sa bagi stout jd this weekend terpaksa lah ko layan dia (oooppsss....) hahahaha.

Anonymous said...

hahaha~ napa stout tu jerry? teda harapan la nampaknya...hehe sda sy bejanji sm c wel tu~ dia bilang 15botol on him kunun..hihi

Anonymous said...

odoiii....punya men logop kamurang lalala hehehe...

bah Wel, jaga diri aa...hahahaha (jan lupa ambik video si claire mabuk..ada juga idea mau kasi post dlm entry nanti hehehe)

Anonymous said...

wahhaha..kalau sy mabuk nda pandai berenti mo nyanyi sm beckp sja tau...kau sndri tia tahan tu mo dgr...haha kdg2 pandai jogging lagi keliling ruma..manada urang sanggup mau ikut2 p rakam....hahahha

Anonymous said...

ahaha..bagus jg tu idea ko tu tau jerry..ba clarisa..nanti ko p sini koo pakai skirt la supaya senang ah..yg pindik punya..susa ba kalu seluar..haha....si jerry mau tinguk priceless...

selalu suda sia melayan si kelarisa ba jerry..mimang byk komen la..posisi itu inda buli..ini inda buli..mau jg yg dia punya stail..haha..

Anonymous said...

hahahahah~ silaka la jg! mesti la ba wel~ kau ingat..ko patut exercise jga dlu tu tiap kali..hahaha

Anonymous said...

comments2 ni lari dr paksi sda o kan..haha tp nda pa la..terhibur jg sy..nda sda d sedih...hihi

Anonymous said...

napa ba tu dudukan ko dalam tu pic macam miring tu kelarisa..haha..

Anonymous said...

haha...jd tu la sb dia comments pun miring2 ka semua?