The Sad Butterfly

A lot of things have been bothering me lately, I wanted to post something here for days now but I keep on coming to a dead end.

The thing is, there were just this moment when sometimes I desperately wanted to feel happy in abundance…not like thinking that I’m happy & so that was supposed to makes me feel happy…being positive isn’t going to work most of the time…if you just feel something is amiss, u can’t just think of a clown and smile.. Somehow the clown would turn to boggart and nothing would actually feel alright. There are so many things I wanted to tell someone, obviously I can’t just share about it here…but try I did like now, hoping it would lighten up a bit of the murky feelings I have inside.

[sigh]

I tried to be positive. I do. Somehow it just would get dampen much too sooner than I expect it to last. First thing I was trying to make a joke, the next thing I knew, it’s making a joke out of me, hitting home.

Sometimes I did things I was not supposed to be doing. Just thought it would make me feel much better…or to keep in rest about what’s bothering me for a while. But only too often, it makes things worse. I know they said mistake is one way of self improvement to build a strong emotional or intellectual foundation. But how do you deal with it at present? How am I going to live with the guilt & regrets for the rest of my life until I can finally say….yes, I’m so over that. How?

I know…. I should use the things I told my friends or anyone whenever they are the one in doubt. I should practice the advice I’ve been telling around. Saying how it’s going to be okay in the end…that I’ll just have to make my way through it. Deal with it. Not ignoring the pain & making another mistake. [sigh again]

I sound pathetic & I actually think that I am.

p/s wel….nti la sy post psl politik2 lg k…just not in the right state of mind ni..hehe

vera i know u tagged me.thanks. been hoping to look for pics that smile. nti sy buat k..