You think i still care for a title now?

I'm so sick with the same old song that's been sung out for the past 6 years that i feel like killing people just for the fun of it.

My chest hurt so much i want to puke. I'm so frustrated i want to yell & get mad like a crazy bitch. Do any of you have any idea just how fucking hard it is to keep things to yourself & feeling helpless?

If i were there, i seriously think of slapping the sense out of her. She should be grateful i have not rule out the possibility of hating her forever. Because unlike some people, i think hatred only kill your inner self & left you to rot with bitterness in the end. But the way things are going on for so long till now, i may actually heading towards the pit of irreparable craziness & loathing.

Even falling in love with someone & listening to your favorite songs does not matter anymore. Who give you the right to feel so right when someone else is suffering anyway. When you think that no one can fault you for trying to live your life, think for a second of how long it will last before the dark clouds finally catching up.

If there's any evil out there wanting my soul in return for all this to stop, I will gladly sign the deal.

To be or not to be

I'm exhausted.

Not enough sleep for 3nights in a row is not something my current body is used to. Lain la kalau mcm masih muda2 dlu..tia tdur 1minggu pun blh lumpat2 lg..miss the old good days..[sigh]

I went for my first meeting with the Bosch customer in Penang island today. As a Mech Dev + DFM engineer. My big boss requested to my superior to send me to the meeting instead of him whom is the DFM guy. I was lucky as the project discussed only require a minimal mechanical parts to quote.

I've been hearing about this new appointed job for me for quite some time already & i've been wondering (worrying actually) if i can do it right. As for my current job, i'm incharge of the very early stage of any project & once the project is awarded, i only have to worry about any design change or packaging requirement. And if i make any small mistake, it would still be okay because i can always update or redesign and i won't actually cause any major trouble to the company.

But now... if i'm really going to be appointed to this DFM job, it would be 100% technical issues & i can't afford to make even a single mistake or else i would cost the company hundreds thousand bucks. That's what really scary.

For going to the meeting today, that was suppose to be my very first training as a DFM+MechDev Eng. I cannot pass to others my current job because the company do not want to hire a new engineer. Mati la...even with my job now, when it gets really busy, going to the toilet require a second thought...

I'm going to have a very hard time mastering all the technical issues with my limited experience but i really want to do it right. Even communicating with colleagues, supplier or customer have always been a bit difficult as they tend to talk in chinese among themselves. That's why i may only do the training for the Bosch Malaysia but i will handle the actual projects from Euro customer in future. Well that's what i heard...i don't know...nothing is certain within the company for the last few months in impact of the global economy crisis.

I'm motivating myself & i'm optimistic. I can do it. Yes, i can. ;)