Are you the kind who always have a plan?

Any plan gets you excited. It pumps the adrenaline and you feel exhilarated. Even simple everyday to-do-plan can wake your mind up from a slumber boring routine. Suddenly you have something new to do. Something to look forward to.

I was writing down the monthly budgetary plan on bills and suddenly I feel excited. As I was checking all the boxes, it looks like the total sum of every bills to pay every month is getting lower. I look forward to maintain it that way.

That sounds like a plan to me. How about you?

What's in my red book?

I know I'm not a very productive employee today. All i did so far was surf and surf and surf i might have reach the middle of the ocean by the looks of it. I sure did some of the work needed to be done urgently but apart from that, i didn't make the effort of trying to learn or master anything in my free time. I just don't have it in me. Excuse. I know. Darn it.

I opened my small red book to jot a new word for the day and i saw that on the final pages of the book were a few short notes that I've jot down before. It must be from one of those days that ideas came rushing into my mind and i just have to write it down so that i won't forget it but sadly, i never get around to use it for an article. A bit of a lick and a promise. It's kind of brilliant tho, the ideas of course and i wonder what was i thinking then? It's something to do about family relation, abundance love, gratitude and personal belief. Whoa~ I amaze myself sometimes.

Now I'm eating a piece of butter cake with teensy-weensy raisins on it. :)

Logic

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. It would only make you more confuse & lost.

A lot of people ask me about my decision on being single all this while. Even my boss at work asked me about it. He could not comprehend the idea of someone as gorgeous & attractive [overkill. i know.] like me do not have someone special for quite a long time. Well, not really that long actually.

I'm sure many people will agree with me that after so many failed attempt at creating a happily-ever-after relationship, the feelings about the whole thing would eventually become stagnant in a sense of giving it the lowest priority in life. Most of the time, life is not just about being in love with someone [except your family]. And it's not just because of a bad past relationship either. Something that did not work out like how you want it should not necessarily viewed as a mistake or a bad thing. Things just happen sometimes. Either people simply have a change of heart or it's time for the other person to take on a new chapter in his/her life.

At one point, accumulate mix-feelings & the experience one had over the whole love-crush-heart break-infatuation-lust-vulnerable-stupidity thing will somehow make the person so over it that all he/she want to do is sit back & let life & time take over & decide everything. When you are ready, then you will. There's no need to push it or go looking for the 'thing' like some treasure hunt you used to participate in school & ended up settling for second best. To make do with what you have. Something you think you want but does not really sure if it's something mutual.

That is why i look at every encounter & moments with someone as a gift & my turn of sharing. Whether you realize it or not, each and every people that we get to meet help shape our mind, heart & life no matter how short the shared time is.

So, try never to look at people around you with just tiny regards but rather as an individual that contribute to your chain of energy, existence & happiness, which most of the time we never realize first hand but true anyway.

You think i still care for a title now?

I'm so sick with the same old song that's been sung out for the past 6 years that i feel like killing people just for the fun of it.

My chest hurt so much i want to puke. I'm so frustrated i want to yell & get mad like a crazy bitch. Do any of you have any idea just how fucking hard it is to keep things to yourself & feeling helpless?

If i were there, i seriously think of slapping the sense out of her. She should be grateful i have not rule out the possibility of hating her forever. Because unlike some people, i think hatred only kill your inner self & left you to rot with bitterness in the end. But the way things are going on for so long till now, i may actually heading towards the pit of irreparable craziness & loathing.

Even falling in love with someone & listening to your favorite songs does not matter anymore. Who give you the right to feel so right when someone else is suffering anyway. When you think that no one can fault you for trying to live your life, think for a second of how long it will last before the dark clouds finally catching up.

If there's any evil out there wanting my soul in return for all this to stop, I will gladly sign the deal.

Last Nite & Today

It seems like i have a lot to share but can't seem to relate all the things together to make it a proper story... hahaha I'll try my best lah.

1. i went to Flare Bar & Restaurant last night and had a drinks with my friend Deon who came all the way from KL to do some work related thing here in Penang. It was also my first time to the bar which is owned by another friend, Sunny. It is in Batu Feringghi, a very nice area but it's a bit far from the bustling town so the crowd was not like if you go to Slippery Senorita or even Soho. But for me, the place is good, i did not get the chance of tasting the food yet as i arrived quite late & i actually took dinner earlier...but the music is great (also the bartender...hehe) & i had so much fun drinking & dancing & yes, pretending to be a lesbian. I do that. hahaha I wanna put more info here but i don't want to spoil the curiosity & suprise for my friends who've been planning to go there soon. Just one thing tho, i like the washroom. I couldn't help myself from smiling when i wash my hand...owh and you can choose too...;)

2. it was last year in one post...i think it's Vera who commented it, saying that i'm a type of girl that is not easily impressed or not easy to please. I was actually quite suprised because i never thought i'm like that. I mean maybe sometimes i get cerewet...we all do..but i thought it's pretty easy to make me laugh or to suprise me in anything. But then, after that.. i kind of sense it and realize that i am like that sometimes...well ok maybe most of the time. I do not think that it's a bad character tho..don't worry Vera...nothing personal. just bussiness [tiba2 ba kn] hahaha Still i'm not going to elaborate on which part it is that is hard to please lah..hehe The relevant of this revelation to this post is that, it is hard sometimes when you get to a situation of disagreement. You just don't think that something was THAT great but obviously some people did & make such a fuss about it like there is no other thing and hate you because you don't & then made remarks like...yeah, that's how you are...you think everyone is a waste of space. Gosh! It's really annoying but i did not say or do anything for the sake of friendship.

3. I'm waiting for a call from the supplier to send the sample part for my approval now & i'm still hangover & i want to sleep.

4. I'm going to the campus later today & maybe stay over for the night. My friends been nagging me about it..they scarcely ever had a glimpse of me nowadays...that's what they told me. Thought of menyimpang pegi main basketball on my way down there..hehe

The End.

Once and for all

This is my first post from sabah & also would be the last post of this year.

So many things happen during the long leave...as it had always been when i'm back at home for a holiday. Happy...jolly n merry...mad..sad...frustrating-to the point of giving up...mixed feelings about everything...
But i guess there's really nothing i can do to force something to happen or to make everything as i wish it to. Maybe i should just leave it to faith...And i should always remember not to make up my mind on something when i'm in a state of being mad, sad or upset...and even happy...because over emotional clouded our way of thinking and seeing things as we supposed to. Rational and realistic.

To tell & share it all here would not be possible not to mention inappropriate as most of it is very very personal...but telling it here..without actually telling anything..well at least trying and letting a bit out actually help. even if it's just a tiny bit.

Some things are just so hard for me and the people close to me, that at times i wonder if it will ever gets better. What would it takes to make it all right again...does someone have to die? or get crazy? maybe then a blind eyes can see and a numb heart can start beating again [eyes & heart are two different pple]....i don't know.

Apart from that...everything else is just so so and interesting things did happen to me every now and then...

All in all....2008 is just another experience to add as i grew older every year & i would keep some & bury the rest. One thing i really want to tell to all of the people who get to know me and be part of my life, i really want to thank you for just about everything...whatever it is...regardless of the reason...even if it's not a happy one...even if it takes just a fraction of second...the fact is, we have crossed path & able to journey together...2 miles...2 blocks away...5minutes of exchanged smile...it helps to finish the sketch of my life and put all the colors in.

Ntah apa sda sy merepek...but really...thanks ;)

New year is closely approaching and just like everyone else, i really really hope that it will be a new beginning and new everything to me...maybe not all new but at least much way better...and i know it's up to me to make it so.

And i'm sorry...... i really am... to the things that i should apologize. i know it..and you know it...everyone of you that feel that i owe you one....manatau ada sy lupa..hehe

I wish you all a great and blessed year ahead. ;) cheers!

p/s i used to hate the 'cheers' word because the bitch that fcuk my ex away said that to me.
Did i just typed that? hehe...ok....no hard feelings...cheers again! ;)

A date

"God created dating so that a woman could discover the bad news about a man before she gets involved with him, not after. It is something you do to find out whether or not you want to be with the man...so take your time."

Screw you

"Claire, do you have any songs for me now? I feel terrible."

Mr N asked me for a song last night. The purpose was solely to make him feel at least a lil' bit better & of course for him to express his anger or sadness in a right way after a huge fight with his bitchy girlfriend. He was thinking of breaking up with her. [well..i hope all he did was listen..any girl would not want to be at the end receiver of this song..hehe]

So i decided to give him this song. Here's the lyrics...

Boomp3.com

Loose lips sunk ships
I'm getting to grips with what you said
No it's not in my head
I can´t awaken the dead, day after day
Why don't we talk about it?
Why do you always doubt that there can be a better way?
It doesn't make me wanna stay

Why don't we break up?
There's nothing left to say
I've got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
And we're not sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away

You say we're fatally flawed
When I'm easily bored, is that ok?
Write me off your list
Make this the last kiss, I'll walk away
Why don't we talk about it?
I'm only here don't shout it
Given time we'll forget
Let's pretend we never met

Screw you, I didn't like your taste
Anyway, I chose you and that's all gone to waste
It's Saturday, I'll go out
And find another you


Well i agree it's a bit harsh so this song only apply to anyone feeling really hurt to the point of losing their mind. [hehe]

So...if you ever wish you have just the right word & the right song to tell someone how you feel..or just to feel the mood of it...don't hesitate to ask me & i'll try to help you find just the right tracks. [wink2]