An ex is an ex for a reason

They broke up for a reason. Full stop.

No one should ever let the past effect the present and ruin the future. It's hard to control but don't let some ex control the success of your relationship. Easier said than done. I know. If the other person is not doing something about it, get control of it and decide for yourself just how much you want it to effect you and your emotion.

Become bored with it. The only downside of this is that, be careful not to get bored with the feelings and the relationship itself.

Think about it, you can become bored with just about anything. Just like no matter how much you love Chicken Rice for example, if you ate it every single day, 3 meals a day, your mind would start to block out the flavors.

The same is true if you are hurting. I know that sometimes it's really hard to ignore because the thought is always there and sometimes you refuse to face it head-on. Instead it lingers at the edges, poking at you constantly. Stop it. Just do something like what a broken record does. Let it repeat itself over and over again and after a while you will be sick and tired of hearing it. It will be really painful the first time. To acknowledge those things or memories or stuff or just about the person itself that really hurt you but it has to be done.

At the end of the day, it really only hurt one person. You. It's keeping you from being happy which is really not how it is suppose to be. Everyone have their own baggage of past relationship but it's really not fair to go and put the burden to the person you'll want to be with at the present.

You Can All Go To Hell

I'm reeling with emotion right now. Somehow the day just turn out wrongly for me. I guess it's because of the bottled up emotion I have been keeping all these time or there's just something wrong with either me or everybody else.

I hate.

I'm frustrated.

I'm tired.

I'm unhappy.

That's how my feelings are towards a few different things today.

I think I need to put some distance between myself and everybody else.

But still for now...bear with me. I don't like posting these kind of articles as well but I just want to let this out here to stabilize my feeling because I have business appointment about half an hour from now and I don't want this stupid thing to disturb me and affect my presentation.

Taking a deep breath and I'm out! And also, f**k you...~in general direction.

What Not

There's a lot of common foundation in a relationship that we always have to look into so that we can be certain of a positive growth with our partner but right now i can only comes up with these two things. Just my two cents on Friday evening.


Acceptance & Forgiveness

It's not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry'. Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here'. Not 'how could you', but 'i understand'. Not 'i wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are'.

In any relationship, you should always keep in mind to balance whatever things going on between you and your partner.

If your other half did something bad and genuinely says that he/she's sorry after that. Forgive him/her. Everyone make mistakes. At that time, it may be his/her wrong judgment, but be sure that you'll have your turn too in the future. Nobody's perfect. A fight or any mistake should be deal with mutual understanding on both party. It's funny how we can say that friendship or job's mistake can makes us stronger and good but when it comes to love, it's merely the other person's fault and that you were hurt.

There are times when even if you think that your partner maybe the sole cause of a fight or a mistake, be with him/her and bear the blame together. Help to ease the guilt they are feeling inside. In one way or another, i always believe that it's never a one person mistakes but it happens because both of you are allowing it to. Take your share on the problem. Pointing fingers should never be done and the last thing you want is to take revenge and in returns makes your partner feels just how much it hurt you or just how bad he/she was. Trust me, he/she will feel resentment towards you in future.


Sharing & Understanding

We decide to be in a relationship because we want someone other than ourselves. We were alone before that so basically we did all the things alone. We are capable of doing that.

So when it comes to an opinion, he/she should not be telling you that you have to get up on your ass and deal with everything on your own. To be in control or something more classic - to get hold of your own happiness. To be in a relationship is to share. To rely on each other shoulder if things get tough. If all you can tell your partner is go and be independent, then why in the hell did you agree to be with her/him in the relationship at the first place? I don't mean that you have to be totally dependent on your partner because that's a big no for me but at least when the problem is beyond him/her control physically or emotionally, you should be there. And when she/he actually comes up and meekly say that she/he doesn't know what to do, the last thing you should ever say is to ask back - what do we do now? If she/he knows that, she/he would not be asking you at the first place. If you don't know what to say, make up of something good to say..or just listen and hug him/her to let them know that everything will be alright. Even if it's not.

I'm not an expert but i was just sharing what i think are the right thing at least for me to do in every similar situation. Talk is cheap i know, but at least you try. Sometimes silence is even more damaging than saying it out loud. It's all a matter of a good timing.

As for my own relationship now... :) i'll keep that private but if you need to know, then i'll tell you this, i'm perfectly happy and that every difficulties are just a test of what we learn from each other and to see if we really understand it. It's just like learning things in school really. The relationship is the school. And those two person in it are both the teacher and the student taking turns... it's a give and take.


That's all i can think of right now... I'll jot in a more complete ending and substance when i have proper ideas in my head. So for now, that's it. [he he he]

The Sweets & The Marbles

Just another one of those forwarded email story. :)

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.


The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised. That night, the girl slept peacefully.. But the boy could not sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.


Moral of the story: If you don't give hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent. Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully... ;)

Types of Men That Women Should AVOID Dating!

#1 - A man who says I LOVE YOU too soon

In a word, needy and kind of creepy. It's really impossible to truly love someone until you've spent a lot of time with them. Lust is instant. So while I lust you is okay, I love you starts a ball rolling that you can't stop. Relationships take time, save the "L" word for when you are ready to take the next step.

#2 - A man who is in a current relationship or marriage
Girls, don't bank on the fact that he will leave his wife or girlfriend for us. Sometimes, he just wants to have the best of both worlds. After all, it's not a good idea to be someone's third party too.

#3 - A man who thinks he is so much more better than you or anyone else


Have you met him? He's all about feeling superior. Nobody is good enough for him. He has a laser sharp tongue and can shred anything in sight until it lies in tatters in front of him.

Even if he has elite education and a well-paid job, it does not mean he is always right! Dump him if he treats you condescendingly every time. You are entitled to your own opinions and decisions. After spending enough time with this guy, you will grow to despise the human race as he does, and crawl around feeling unworthy. Throw him away like you would a mold-filled potato :-D


#4 - A man who is super stingy or super calculative or the cheapskate
Girlfriends, we don’t have to be labeled a “gold digger” to recognize the difference between a man who’s frugal and one who’s downright miserly. We know the type: he brings coupons to the first date or parks 17 blocks away to avoid paying a $4 valet (or both). Ah yes, this “avoidable” is known as the cheapskate. Now, there is nothing wrong with a guy shopping for the best deal and being conservative with his money. However, if every activity is all about finding the stingiest alternative, nothing is ever fun. Repeatedly counting change, stealing food from work and rationing toilet paper may seem quirky or sweet at first, but this behavior is indicative of future headaches. When it comes down to it, this guy has control issues.

#5 - A man who seems exceptionally busy
You can't get hold of him, even by phone. He is not available most of the time. Whenever you call, he says he will call back. It is sufficient to believe that this man is either not very interested in you or he is seeing someone else. So go find someone else too, girl!

#6 - A man Who refuses to grow up

Dude, get a job and move out whatever it takes. Don't be a loser. Even if she can sleep over, she will grow tired of your lack of independence, motivation, and ambition. She would rather have champagne on the beach then dinner with your folks.

#7 - Men who are CRUEL
There is nothing in the world as ugly or as damaging as a cruel man. For some reason, there are men out there who take only joy in seeing someone in pain (I don't mean like in a dull headache kind of pain - I mean like a big kick in the nuts pain).

People say that it's a power thing, but I know it's a sickness thing. It's sick to be us if we are with someone like him.

Don't be distracted by the sexy grin or the bulging pecs (or bulging other stuff) on the outside. Look at the inside. Fire is beautiful but it hurts when you get burned. Stay away from these creeps as if your life depended on it, as it surely does.


#8 - A man who loves sports way too much
There's a fine line between a great guy who loves sports and the raging maniac that loves sports way too much. How can you love sports TOO much? men would ask in befuddlement. For most women, it's obvious. A guy loves sport too much when they would rather watch a game than spend time with us.

I realize that ALL men fall into this category after several months of knowing us, but they will occasionally submit their whipped butts to taking us out, just to stop our fussing. But the sport fanatic won't care that the house is falling apart, that the baby is crying or that we haven't been out of the house in 4 months. All he'll want is a beer, a TV and "some peace". They are hard to tell apart from the normal healthy male but look out for the signs of obsession, or we'll be stuck watching every lame game the sports channel has to offer and feeding his burping buddies as our friends go out to dinner and to see the hottest new movie every weekend.

#9 - The roving eye guy
This guy is constantly looking at every female but the one he’s with. He ogles the barista, the woman at the bus stop, even his buddy’s wife, making his date feel inferior and unattractive. Most of us will agree that men are inclined to admire beautiful women (and vice versa) but let’s face it: Recognizing beauty and disrespectfully rubbernecking are two completely different things. Constantly competing for your partner’s attention gets old really fast. If a man’s smarmy smile, inappropriate comments/gestures and keen interest in others are too distracting to the relationship, women pick up and move along. Even the most confident women want their men to treat them like they are the only one in the room.


#10 - A negative guy
We know the type; for him nothing we do is good enough. We're too stupid, we're too fat, we're too mouthy. Avoid negative guy who can find everything wrong with everyone and everything that means something to you in your life. Send Mr. Negative packing if you see him coming your way. Don’t allow someone to delegate who is good and not good in your life.

#11 - A man who thinks only with their "sticks"
Well, as we well know, the streets to the courthouse are littered with broken marriages caused by men who think with their sticks and not their brains. They see something they want to poke and it does not matter if they have Halle Berry, Christy Brinkley or Pam Anderson, and their 2 kids, 3 dogs, and 4 fishes waiting at home. These men will do what they know they shouldn't do, go get the forbidden poke.

It does not matter that you are the hottest thing since freshly baked pie, a man like this is going to give you a few diseases and mess up publicly right when you are being voted "Happiest Couple" at the Lodge. You know he's the type to cheat as that's how you got him from his first wife. Know that you got a weasel in your arms, and throw him away before he puts you on the front pages of the daily newspaper for murder.


#12 - A man who can't stop talking about his ex
GENTLEMEN, it's boring, it's unromantic, it shows you are not over your last relationship. Nothing is more of a turn off than your past love experiences gone bad. Save the war stories for your buddies at the bar and show your new date that you are interested in her.

#13 - The man who is never proud of our accomplishments
Do not allow someone who does not support us and our hard work hurt us. Girlfriends, we deserve to have someone who is proud of our accomplishments and wants to support us :-)

#14 - A man who keeps in touch with all his Ex's
Again, gentlemen.. :) Dump the ex's as friends if you want a new relationship. It's a total turn off and shows you may have some separation anxiety by needing to surround yourself with women you have slept with. Most woman won't put up with that scenario for long either.


P/S Thanks to Anna who post this on her Facebook notes. There are some of the points that catch my attention so i thought i'll share this with you. Of course i have my own turn-off-points but just in case i never get around to post that out, this would be my general idea of the types of men we girls should avoid, whenever possible. :)

Logic

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. It would only make you more confuse & lost.

A lot of people ask me about my decision on being single all this while. Even my boss at work asked me about it. He could not comprehend the idea of someone as gorgeous & attractive [overkill. i know.] like me do not have someone special for quite a long time. Well, not really that long actually.

I'm sure many people will agree with me that after so many failed attempt at creating a happily-ever-after relationship, the feelings about the whole thing would eventually become stagnant in a sense of giving it the lowest priority in life. Most of the time, life is not just about being in love with someone [except your family]. And it's not just because of a bad past relationship either. Something that did not work out like how you want it should not necessarily viewed as a mistake or a bad thing. Things just happen sometimes. Either people simply have a change of heart or it's time for the other person to take on a new chapter in his/her life.

At one point, accumulate mix-feelings & the experience one had over the whole love-crush-heart break-infatuation-lust-vulnerable-stupidity thing will somehow make the person so over it that all he/she want to do is sit back & let life & time take over & decide everything. When you are ready, then you will. There's no need to push it or go looking for the 'thing' like some treasure hunt you used to participate in school & ended up settling for second best. To make do with what you have. Something you think you want but does not really sure if it's something mutual.

That is why i look at every encounter & moments with someone as a gift & my turn of sharing. Whether you realize it or not, each and every people that we get to meet help shape our mind, heart & life no matter how short the shared time is.

So, try never to look at people around you with just tiny regards but rather as an individual that contribute to your chain of energy, existence & happiness, which most of the time we never realize first hand but true anyway.

Out From The Cave

A date

"God created dating so that a woman could discover the bad news about a man before she gets involved with him, not after. It is something you do to find out whether or not you want to be with the man...so take your time."

Love Is In The Air

I think i'm in love. or infatuation. whatever you call it. maybe it's mutual.....or not. i don't care.

I realize about it deep inside my heart for quite some time already, i just try not to bother about it so much because i know i'll get over it or he'll be off my mind in no time...why? because there's really nothing i can do to make me & Mr Charming together. The option is unthinkable & impossible. And he doesn't even have the same feeling towards me anyway. So, i thought forgetting him would be easy enough.

How wrong i was.

My mind would often wander back at the first time we made eye contact on that particular night. It was quite hard to describe. I heard someone coming from the gate & i tilted my head to look..and found myself face to face with him & for a fraction of second, i saw something flickered in his eyes. Maybe it's just an expression people had over familiarity but i like to think of it as because he felt the chemistry too.

Then he asked me out a few days after that.
I got in the car, he kissed me on the cheek & told me i looked great. That...should be the perfect first date for me. ;) He was & still is the perfect gentleman. He never let me out of sight throughout the night & hold me every now & then just to show that he's there. ;)

"Where have you been? I've been looking for you." said Mr Charming
"Owh..i just need to go to the washroom..." I feebly answered.
"You should have told me & i can walk you there."

I simply stare at him. It actually felt so surreal at that time. No one ever made me felt quite like that before. Well, a perfect gentleman is known to be a rare breed. It's just that there's no pretentious there & it was as if that's how he's always been. His own self that is cool, romantic (in a good way of course) & funny. Plus, he's a very good dancer. We just.....click.

Tell me...How can someone look that good, that charming and not showing typical pretentious at the same time? Owh..i have my fair share of being in & out of relationship...so i'll know right away if the guy is a fake or simply not my type.

Why why & why do i always ended up liking someone who does not feel the way i do...or someone who's not available. Maybe it's true that all the good guys are pretty much taken.

And i'll be seeing him again soon. I know i should stop this while i can. and of course somehow...sooner or later..it really has to stop [isk..] Even right from the start, the relationship spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e. I'll get hurt in the end. But as always, i guess it's worth it for the time being. ;) It's not like i have anything better to do anyway. and as a single most available lady..i can do pretty much anything i wanted to. and also i'm not asking anything from him anyway. just a comfortable & nice company will do. ok...good excuse. clever me. plus it's about time i start seeing someone. or maybe not...not like this..owh God..i'm doomed.


p/s I had a mental argument about posting this entry...but there's a very good chance of me exploding over a build up of uncertainty & confusion.