Once...

...when I was younger, I'm such a bookworm that I even read newspapers like an old man. Mostly I'll flips through all the pages first even when I saw some articles that I find interesting because I knew that once I started to read it, it will take me ages to finish since I have the habit of really reading from start to finish never missing one word and that's not going to help me get over the next page.

It has been a few days since I have been discharge from the hospital and I have been taking all those well wishes seriously. The resting part. Like really really resting. I woke up early now though for breakfast, because I need to time the medicine-eating right. Then after that I will either be dragging my body to bed and lie down or continue sleeping until lunch or I'll do some mild surfing on the internet and sometimes watch movies - everything done from the bed.

I tried cooking for dinner yesterday and half way through eating, I feel dizzy (pening-pening lalat). I knew then that I have been resting too much and my body is weak. So today I drag myself out of the house and go for my schedule hair treatment at the shop nearby. At least it's nothing heavy, just sitting and I bring a book to read. So while in the midst of it all, I saw a newspaper and decided to look through the articles.

Interestingly, The Star newspaper is currently putting spaces here and there where it will put all those old archive news or what used to be in the newspaper all those years before. Some kind of trudging down memory lane I guess. Imagine my delight when I saw a few of my old time favorite sections being published in a newspaper again.

The section that caught my attention the most was the Pen Pal section. I remember looking through that list when I was a young teenager and skimming through all the names, ages, location and the best one is the hobbies. I would usually pick someone who's really from far away or some boys name whom I thought might be cute judging from the name. Ha ha ha

I had fun looking at it again which from the looks of it were scanned and printed to that page and I really wanted to take pictures but then the phone's camera was being difficult so I end up with no pictures. Sad. :(

Then I came across the Comics. Oh I really love them back then. I remember having a scrap book and I would cut those that I like most and paste it on the book. I think I did that back when I did not really understand English that much. But then again, most of the comics were pictures and less words so I think I was giving it my own interpretation and picked those that I thought were funny. And the pictures were cute too. I wonder where's the book now. We move houses way too much when I was a kid I think there's not much left of any old remembrance at home now.

And of course one more section which hold dear to my heart was the Crossword. If I'm not mistaken, it was the Borneo Post Crossword that have this A to Z series of crossword that you have to finish to win the money. One alphabet will have a few crosswords to it I think. Like A1, A2...up until I can't remember actually. I tried a lot of times but then imagine how hard it is to get one crossword right. This one you need to get all 10 or 20 of them correct. Thinking back, I'm actually amaze with my passion and of course patient with that contest. It was a very nice memory indeed.

Only those of you who were a kid as exciting as I was during those time can relate to this. Or not. No matter. He he he

By the way I watch the movie Once yesterday and Wel said all my movies were ganjil-ganjil. I was like...wtf...ha ha ha..kidding! I have just finish watching Jane Eyre before finishing this post and I enjoyed it very much. Honestly, that one is not weird, yes? Oh well, like I care. LOL

Good night everyone. :-)

Up To No Good

I'm losing my mind.
What am i doing? Stop it you silly. Dammit.
Now that i hinted on it, things won't just go away like that.
What am i thinking!

5.41PM - The call was literally my damn farking first time ever hearing the voice & talk things together. I actually had quite a normal conversation. I actually laugh. I mean like really laugh. And i make jokes. yes. jokes. to a sort-of-complicated-stranger. Mom's gonna be pissed at me i guess. dammit. I don't even want to do that actually. This is not how i picture it to happen. I always have a vision of finally meeting up maybe at a place close to a death-bed or something. geez. Now i'm confuse. I got mix feelings and i'm not sure whether to hate it or like it or what.

I Have A Dream

I was 8 when Mom spoke to me at the Penampang Union Transport (PUT) bus station in KK.

"I'm only going to teach you this once. So listen carefully. After today, you take the red bus from home that we took just now & when you reach this station, you take on the second bus over there which sign state to Luyang & you'll reach your school. It's the same when you're going back."

"But Mom, what if i get lost? or took the wrong bus?"

"If you follow exactly what i've told you, it's going to be alright."

"Ok."

"Remember, look at the sign of the bus carefully. Don't sleep in the bus. And don't stay back too late after school or you'll reach home when it's already dark."

"Ok Mom."

That's when i first Dream of being a Bus Driver. My very own bus.


It was 3 years after that, I was 11. I joined the Bintang Kecil singing competition in Dewan Masyarakat KK & even tho only winning the 4th place, that was when i Dream of becoming a Rockstar. Well, i wanted to sing the song 'Teringin' by Shima but ended up singing Nora's song..what do you expect? The teacher made me switch songs. Served her right.

My Dream improved a few years later. I was 14. I shoot a sharp 3 pointer for the first time & Dream of changing my name to 'Michelle' Jordan & be a Professional Basketballers.


But fate took another twist when i sat for my PMR examination a year later. I was 15. Uncle Ben whom i always look up to & the closest for being my own father, involved in a serious car accident that hospitalized him for many months...that's when i Dream of becoming a Doctor. Thank God he survived & recovered just all right.


I would have studied hard in Biology and took up Medic if not because of what happen about two years after that. I was 17 when the Dream changed. Something comes up and i really need my father to sort things up for me. And he wasn't there. He never did. I was so frustrated, i vowed to become a Lawyer & make sure every men who called themselves a father would sign the damn paper for responsibility or pay the price if they don't.


I end up going to Engineering campus tho...to become an Engineer. Which i never Dream of.

Now, I am 24. A few more weeks and i'm going to hit the big 5. My name is still Clarice Gerard regardless of how many times i put an extra 'r' to make it spell out Gerarrd.



And i haven't stop....to Dream.

A Year Ago Today

Without realizing it..i get through The Day on Nov surprisingly okay. It's the day everyone of us dreaded in any point of our life...when everything reminds you of mixed bitter & happy memories...when all this time you were trying hard not to let your mind think of the things that you don't want to think...convincing your heart every minute of every day that there's nothing left for you to linger on & that you just don't care anymore...

however inevitable it may be..the day will come when suddenly, all are crystal clear...and you have to admit...you miss him.



But i realize that it was like looking at someone else life.

The memories were all there...but the pain couldn't really hurt me anymore. I guess i must have really move on then.



This song really have nothing to do with what i meant in this post..neither it has with my mood today...it just seems like the song i wanted to listen to at this moment...even if the lyrics are not entirely true, considering that i pick it up for this entry...

"Another year older

A little bit stronger

A little bit wiser than? a year ago today



Looking over my shoulder

I was so much younger then

I cant believe what happened

A year ago today



And I just forget about it

It wouldnt mean a thing

You went away

A year ago today



Another year gone by

Oh the tears have run dry

Life seemed so unkind

A year ago today



And I just cant understand it

And I dont think I ever will

You went away

A year ago today



And how many times have I questioned myself

What more could I do

And how many times did I fool myself

Over you oh? yeah



Youve gotta pick yourself up,

Take another look

And dust yourself off cause lifes not too good,

Ill say it to myself and Ill say it again

Lover will never end



And though were so far apart

Youre forever in my heart



Another year older

A little bit stronger

On this anniversary

Youre watching over me



You went away

A year ago today" - Delta Goodrem