Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When i get to heaven i will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."


A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused & said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
"Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
"Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the tables was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Age Of A Woman

Between the ages of 15 - 20 A woman is like Sabah.
She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 A woman is like Putrajaya, fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35 She is like Kelantan, very hot, wise and beautiful.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 A woman is like Johore.
She is half destroyed but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 She is like Kuala Lumpur,
Old but still got hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 She is like Sarawak, very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 A woman is like Malacca,
With glorious past but no future.

Mr Johnny Boy

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you.
But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend...
So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, "The bastard used coins!"

p/s Moral dia...kalau mau tipu mesti mau campin..kalau nda jadi gni la...si Johnny yg untung...hihi

buah-buahan tempatan dan org cannibal

Pada satu hari 3 orang lelaki telah sesat ke dalam hutan.

Mereka telah ditangkap oleh satu puak orang asli yang makan manusia (kira macam cerita cannibal holocaust la ni).

Ketua puak tu pun mengarahkan anak buahnya supaya membunuh ketiga lelaki itu utk dijadikan santapan.
Ketiga lelaki itu pun merayu dgn sepenuh hati supaya mereka dibebaskan.

Oleh kerana mereka merayu dgn bersungguh-sunggguh, ketua puak itu pun setuju utk melepaskan mereka dengan satu syarat.

Syaratnya ialah mereka perlu mencari 10 biji buah tempatan dalam masa sejam. “Ah.. ni simple punya keja“ kata mereka dalam hati.

Maka mereka pun berpecah ke dalam hutan untuk mencari buah-buahan tersebut dengan diiringi oleh beberapa lelaki dari puak tersebut.

Lelaki yang pertama keluar dengan membawa 10 buah nenas. Kemudian berkata ketua puak kepada anak buahnya, “Sumbatkan buah tersebut ke dalam punggungnya, kalau dia mengeluarkan bunyi, bunuh dia! Kalau dia boleh bertahan, kita lepaskan“ Lalu buah nenas itu pun disumbatkan kedalam punggung lelaki malang tersebut. Pada buah nenas yang kedua, lelaki itu pun menjerit dan dia pun dibunuh.

Kemudian lelaki kedua pun muncul. Dia membawa 10 biji ciku bersamanya. Dia pun dikenakan tindakan yang sama. Oleh kerana buah ciku kecil, lelaki itu dapat bertahan sehingga buah ciku yang kelapan. Pada masa ini, tiba-tiba lelaki tu ketawa. Maka dia pun dibunuh.

Apabila sudah mati, roh orang yang pertama pun berjumpa ngan roh orang yang kedua.

“Kenapa kamu ketawa pada buah ciku yang kelapan?“ tanya roh pertama.

Jawab roh yang kedua, “Aku nampak rakan ketiga kita tu keluar dengan membawa BUAH DURIAN!!“

Mee Bandung

Joke for the day....

Untuk beberapa tahun, Ahmad Suffian telah mengadakan hubungan sulit dengan orang gajinya,Sutina ...Suatu hari, Sutina memberitahu Ahmad Suffian yang dirinya mengandung ...

Ahmad Suffian yang tidak mahu merosakkan perkahwinannya, telah mengambil keputusan untuk menghantar Sutina balik ke Bandung untuk melahirkan anak mereka di sana ...

Beliau berjanji akan menanggung segala kos untuk anak tersebut sehingga anaknya nanti berusia 18 tahun ...

Supaya rahsia mereka berdua tidak terbongkar, Ahmad Suffian menyuruh Sutina supaya menghantarkan sekeping poskad dengan menulis perkataan "Mee Bandung" dibelakangnya setelah anak mereka lahir nanti .. Ahmad Suffian akan menguruskan segala perbelanjaan untuk anaknya setelah mendapat poskad itu nanti ...

Suatu hari, 9 bulan selepas itu, ketika Ahmad Suffian pulang dari kerja, isterinya Norzalina menegur Ahmad Suffian dengan muka yang keliru ...

"Bang ... abang dapat poskad yang peliklah hari ni," kata Norzalina.

"Oh, tak pe ... bagi poskad tu kat Abang. Nanti abang jelaskan," kata Ahmad Suffian.

Norzalina pun memberi poskad itu kepada Ahmad Suffian dan melihat Ahmad Suffian membaca poskad tersebut, sebelum muka Ahmad Suffian bertukar menjadi biru, ungu dan terus pengsan!!

Poskad itu berbunyi ...

"Mee Bandung, Mee Bandung, Mee Bandung, Mee Bandung - 2 ada telur, 2 tiada telur. Tolong hantarkan kuah lebih ya!"

p/s mati2 sy ketawa nda berbunyi di opis...hahaha